After an atrocious U.S. Presidential debate Monday, I started seeing a common theme on social media. Americans were actually aware that this election cycle is a total shitshow, that our system is flawed, and most importantly, that the American people deserve better.
“The first step in solving a problem is admitting a problem exists. Maybe this is progress. Maybe people will finally start to see that the solution lies in how we treat each other. That no one person can be a solution to our own personal situations. Maybe they’ll stop projecting what they think is best for the entire nation, and focus on being a better person in their immediate social circle. It was the most-watched debate in history. Maybe people are starting to really pay attention? Maybe this will unify us and we’ll start to actually listen to each other.”
All things that crossed my mind while live-tweeting the event. Of course, I was dead wrong, but it was an emotional night and I’ve been under a lot of stress lately, okay people?! Let me have my moment.
Regretfully, the American people continue to disappoint. On the other hand, I get a huge kick out of “reporting” these sorts of story and am thankful they exist. Whatchu got for us, Time Magazine?
“Had a particularly raucous night that ended with you doing the walk of shame the next morning? Uh oh, hope you don’t get HTML. Just kidding! HTML is a programming language that’s used to make websites, but according to a new study from VoucherCloud and published by the L.A. Times, 1 in every 9 Americans–or exactly 11%–think HTML is actually a sexually transmitted disease.
Pardon my French, but Time Magazine just straight fuckin’ with us now. You know reasonable Americans are disappointed to begin with – people are going to vote Clinton just because she’s a woman. Or, because Trump’s son killed a dinosaur. People are going to vote Trump just because he’s “good at business.” Or, he’s “not a politician.” Or, “Hillary’s an alien.” Personally, I’m not going to judge you based on who you vote for, and that’s only a lie if you’re voting Trump. Just give me a solid reason! Help me at least understand your point of view.
My point is that we’re already pretty bummed about our current state of affairs and then we get Time Magazine kicking us while we’re down and telling us that 1 out of 9 Americans think HTML is something you can catch from slapping privates.
Yeah, thanks, Time. I get it – the people tasked with electing our next leader don’t know that HTML is not a fucking sexually transmitted disease. If anything, being proficient in HTML will assuredly KEEP YOU FROM GETTING STDs. I agree, though – it says a lot about where our country is in terms of sexual education, too.
“Something known by a string of four letters? Must mean you got the dirty dick!”
It is 2016, America. I’m not expecting you to be master coders, but even with the very limited technical experience I have, I can take a wild guess at differentiating between a STD and programming language. I don’t remember an overly descriptive paragraph from a sex ed. textbook telling me how bad my junk will burn if I catch the HTML. Just seems like very basic knowledge.
“Other findings, unearthed by the Times:
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23% thought an “MP3” was a “Star Wars” robot. It is actually an audio file.
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18% identified “Blu-ray” as a marine animal. It is a disc format typically used to store high-definition videos.
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15% said they believed “software” is comfortable clothing. Software is a general term for computer programs.
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12% said “USB” is the acronym for a European country. In fact, USB is a type of connector.”
Stay woke, America. I’m Stoney Keeley and I approve this message.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley,@PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo,@Bama_Hammer
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