Forgotten Treasures of Americana: Hasbro WWF Action Figures

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If you haven’t figured it out by now, most of the team here likes pro wrestling. A few of us grew up watching it and, as kids, were fortunate enough to collect a healthy portion of the Hasbro WWF action figures that came into production wayyyyy back in 1990.

Welcome back to Forgotten Treasure of Americana – the whenever-I-feel-like-it retrospective on things that have contributed to the great fabric of our culture and society. We’ve talked about playing outside and Mama’s Family so far, so we’re off to a great start.

These bad boys were prime currency when we were kids. Can’t remember the exact time period, but I remember the birthday party when I got my first four: Undertaker, Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, and Crush (Hawaii Crush, not Demolition Crush or prison Crush). I always loved heading to Toys R Us or KB Toys (rest in peace), but I never had too much luck there. In my experience, it wasn’t going to the store and finding ’em that was so much fun.

It was the flea markets.

It was going to Lebanon and digging through bin after bin of action figures trying to find the wrestlers. If I was good, my mom and dad would shell out $1 a pop for these things, and boy – I could find some gold…especially once a month when we’d venture down to the Nashville Fairgrounds for the big Nashville flea market.

Really, what’s not to love about these little hunks of plastic? Remember the “Hulkster Hug” version of Hulk Hogan?

I can’t tell you how many bearhugs were administered because of this sumbitch. Every iteration of Hogan was actually pretty cool, but him being the superhero of our generation probably had something to do with these fond memories. That wasn’t the only cool action, though. I was all in on virtually every action figure that “punched.”

Yeaaahhhhh, buddy. I remember standing an opponent up and having Jake “The Snake” Roberts or Virgil punch them over and over and over and over for hours on end.

Then, of course, there’s the fat guys. The fat guys like Earthquake, Typhoon, and Bam Bam Bigelow were awesome because THEIR LEGS ACTUALLY MOVED!!! You want to talk about something blowing a young Stoney’s mind?! When I opened a package and realized I could move the wrestler’s legs it was like learning the secrets of the universe.

But, as with most things, there’s always bad with the good and vice versa. I hated that they waited so long to make a Ted DiBiase that wasn’t in a suit. I remember for my birthday one year, having the option of finally getting this “Million Dollar Man” or Typhoon. Guess which one I chose…..I’ll give you a hint. Typhoon’s FUCKING LEGS MOVED! OF COURSE I CHOSE TYPHOON! I never got that Ted DiBiase in his tights, so in my wrestling figure federation, he always wrestled in that same damn black suit.

There was also the weird Dusty Rhodes with the gyrating hip, and I was so over the stupid stomp action (Giant Gonzales) before it even started. Then, there was the Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake that looked like he had a dislocated shoulder.

That one was a flea market find for me, and the only one I ever bought had been chewed on by the previous owner’s dog. I didn’t care. It was Beefcake, and I didn’t have Beefcake. Looking back, that was probably not the most sanitary practice, but shit – it was the 90s. No one thought twice of it!

I had some pretty epic finds – “The Rocket” Owen Hart and Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat were both flea market finds, though I picked them up in the package from the Nashville flea market. They were much more expensive, but both were so hard to find in stores, and you never found stuff like that in the loose bins at the junky flea markets.

But, one fateful Sunday, I managed to find a Ric Flair….mind you, I’d never seen Flair in stores or anywhere, in one of the loose bins. The guy was in perfect condition, and cost me 50 cents.

To this day, there’s only two of these things that I’ve never seen in person: Sid Justice and Ludvig Borga. I hope to hold these little fuckers before I die.

And, last but not least – the holy grail of WWF Hasbro action figures: The 1-2-3 Kid. Nature Boy will back me up on this one. It was a real white buffalo. The wrestling guy at the Nashville flea market had one, and it was there every month. Still, neither Nature Boy or myself could never talk our parents into paying the $40 home boy was asking for it.

Looking back, $40 for a wrestling figure was absolutely ludicrous. I mean, it still is, but back then, that was like $100. It was impossible to do enough chores in a month to save up for that, and even if by some miracle I did, I’d always get the guilt trip. “Are you sure you want to spend all of your money on that one wrestler, Stoney?”

Nope.

Instead, I’d go home with both Headshrinkers, Marty Jannetty, and Razor Ramon – STILL having enough left over for some random X-Men or Ninja Turtles.

Some people hold watches or cars as status symbols, but not me. If this site ever makes it, you better believe I’m buying a Hasbro 1-2-3 Kid for Nature Boy. And, I’m buying a Hasbro 1-2-3 Kid for me.

Let me close with a quick rundown of my top 10:

10. Doink the Clown
9. Papa Shango
8. Adam Bomb
7. Bam Bam Bigelow
6. The Mountie
5. I.R.S.
4. Earthquake
3. Mr. Perfect
2. Ravishing Rick Rude
1. Jake “The Snake” Roberts

’til next time. Keep the dream alive.

Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley@PFSpot@WrestlingNewsCo@Bama_Hammer

Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork

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