Ridiculously Fabricated Bowl Names, Year 3

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Clemson head coach Dabo Swinney throws oranges into the crowd as he celebrates after Clemson defeated Ohio State 40-3 in the Orange Bowl NCAA college football game, Saturday, Jan. 4, 2014, in Miami Gardens, Fla. (AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee)
College football is weird, man. Not only can you not have a winning season and make it to a bowl game, but the millions of dollars floating around these games have created some pretty interesting names for the bowls themselves. There’s The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, The Dollar General Bowl, The Motel 6 Cactus Bowl, and The Nova Home Loans Arizona Bowl just to name a few. Those are real bowl names, too! We haven’t even started listing our fake bowl names. That is real – and it’s a testament to the power of the dollar.

For the right price, you could slap any name on any bowl game, and ESPN and the NCAA would run with it. How else do you think the AdvoCare V100 Texas Bowl came to fruition?

So, yeah – what we’re doing here is providing a little bit of humor to get you through your work day. But, it’s also a bit of social commentary on the absurdity of the 80 college football bowl games we’re getting ready to witness. It’s my favorite piece of the year

On top of all of that, they hand out some really odd trophies. “Congrats on the fine season! Here’s this giant, polished BOWL OF ORANGES!” That tradition is made even weirder by the fact that the head coach, MVP, or someone usually starts taking the oranges out of the bowl and throwing them around to teammates. When did this become a thing?

Yeah – it’s crazy, but let’s cut the bullshit and get down to brass tax – here are our submissions for the THIRD ANNUAL (holy shit – have we been writing that long now?) Ridiculously Fabricated Bowl Names. Time for me (Big Natural) to sit down with friends of the site Crawdad and Big Game Paul, and churn out some nonsense. And yes, what follows is literally just a list of made-up bowl games. So, if you’re not into that, best be GTFO right now.

Big Natural’s Submissions

The Sterling Silver Jewelry Neon Bowl
The Pancake Pantry Lap Band Surgery Bowl
Ben Carson presents The Conservative Surgeon Bowl
The Sunshine State La Croix Football Classic
The Louisville Slugger Brake Pad Bowl
The Goose Island Table Tennis Bowl
The Marshall Tucker Band Legal Pad Bowl
The Stiegl Radler Leather Workers Bowl
The Band-Aid Brand Injury Bowl
The Nike Lumberjacks Bowl
The Napa Know-How Carburetor Bowl
The Fender Guitars Slipknot Bowl
The Joey Freshwater Coeds Bowl
The Advil Axe Classic
The Guy Fieri Butthole Burner Bowl
The Playtex Leggings Butt Smooches Bowl

Crawdad’s Submissions

The Ruby Tuesday Mortgage Bowl
Aunt Jemima’s Sacrilege Bowl
The Sam Adams Streak-Free Shine Bowl brought to you by Alamo
The O’Reilly Auto Parts Mix Your Own 6 Bowl
The Coppertone Blitzkrieg Classic
The Interscope Records Leprosy Bowl
The Fandango Distended Bowl
Nash Vegas Bar and Grill presents The Country Hooters Bowl
The Junior Mints Martyrdom Bowl
The Goldman Sachs Surf and Turf Bowl
The Bob Evans Holy Matrimony Bowl
The Toys R Us Immigration Bowl
The AirBnB Machine Gun Classic
The Ascend Federal Credit Union www. buttholes .com Bowl (don’t go to that web site)
The Halliburton 9/11 Classic
The Ernesto Hemingway Sack o’ Nuts Bowl

This year, we welcomed our boy Big Game Paul into this tradition that Crawdad and I started three years ago. We figured, “why limit the fun to just two people when our guy BGP is just as hilarious as we are?” So, welcome to Ridiculously Fabricated Bowl Names: BIG. GAME. PAUL!

Big Game Paul’s submissions

The We Don’t Pay The Players Bowl, sponsored by But We Make Millions Off These Kids
The My Uncle’s Drunk Bowl
The Gonna Use That Treadmill This Year Bowl
The Kaepernick’s Hair Bowl
The Progressive Liberal Agenda Bowl
Donald Trump presents The Best Bowl, I Don’t Care, Shut Up I’m The President Bowl
The Betty White Privilege Bowl
The Gluten-Free Bowl
The Chick-Fil-A No Homo Bowl
The Kanye West Mental Classic
The Break the Internet Bowl
The Tampax Pearl Necklace Bowl
The Legalize It Bowl Sponsored by Woody Harrelson and Cheech Marin
The Toyota Recall Bowl
The Another Harry Potter! Bowl
The Darth Saban Bowl
The Bud Light Assholes Bowl
The PBR I’m Broke Bowl
The Dead Celebrities Bowl
The Guacamole Bowl

So, which one is the best? Let us know on Facebook or Twitter!

Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley@PFSpot@WrestlingNewsCo@Bama_Hammer

Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork

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