It’s the holidays. We’re all about ready to drink ourselves into oblivion anyway, with all of the family functions, office parties, and all of the festivities that come in between. For wrestling fans, Raw has been bad enough to drive us to drinking since, oh, I don’t know – September. Monday night’s show was an exception, I’ll give you that. It was fantastic. But, it doesn’t erase the stink of months of boring, life-sucking three hour shows.
So, to cap this year off right, let’s all partake in the SoBros Roadblock: End of the Line Drinking Game. Find yourself a nice bottle of booze and a case of beer and have your husband/wife/children prepared to carry your drunk ass up to bed.
DA RULES
*First and foremost, every time it’s specified that this isn’t just Roadblock, but it’s “Roadblock: End of the Line,” I cringe a bit. “Roadblock” is good enough for me, but apparently, Vince McMahon thinks otherwise. When someone says, “Roadblock: End of the Line,” take a drink.
*If you find yourself wanting to go to JC Penney, take a drink. There’s a reason companies shell out millions of dollars in advertising. It works, and you’ve just fallen victim to it.
*Every time Corey Graves makes fun of Byron Saxton, take a drink. Just kidding – I don’t want anyone to die tonight.
*If there’s another random Cruiserweight Division six-man tag on the pre-show, take a drink.
*If T.J. Perkins cuts an awkward promo, take a drink.
*Take a drink every time someone dabs. Also, hope that Enzo doesn’t show back up and that TJP gets limited screen time, or you may wind up in a hospital.
*Set the tone early – when Booker T makes his “shucky ducky quack quack” pick of the night, take a shot, and do a Spin-a-rooni in your living room.
*Every time Corey Graves makes this face:
Take a drink. Feel free to change your underwear as needed.
*If Sami Zayn lasts 10 minutes with Braun Strowman, take a shot. If Sami Zayn doesn’t last 10 minutes with Braun Strowman (this is sounding oddly sexual all of a sudden), take a drink for every minute he did last.
*If The New Day ends up defending the Raw Tag Team Championships, take a drink, and then hammer out a solid minute straight of pelvic thrusting and hip gyrations.
*If The New Day subsequently loses the Raw Tag Team Championships, take a drink, then pour a shot, and pour one out for the greatest tag team championship reign in WWE history. Preferably, in the kitchen sink. I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, but if you pour it out on the living room floor, you might get into trouble.
*Take a drink every time Lana’s Russian accent starts to drift towards “American accent.”
*If The Brian Kendrick creeps you out with his homeless pirate look, take a drink. Admittedly, this is a conditional rule that depends on the person. Feel free to drink until Kendrick is no longer creepy.
*For every decision in the Iron Woman match (by the way – get the fuck with the program, WWE – just call it an Iron Woman Match, smdh), take a drink.
*If Ric Flair cries, audibly “WOO,” strut, and take a shot.
*If Kevin Owens makes a kid cry, take a drink. Then, find the nearest child and make him/her cry. KO would be proud.
*If Luke Gallows shows up in his action dad pants and gardening gloves, take a drink.
*If Rich Swann retains the Cruiserweight Championship, take a drink. Then, proceed to dance until The Outlandish One is no longer on your screen.
*If Seth Rollins drops another “sparkle crotch,” just roll your eyes. Don’t even drink. That’s just not cool.
*If Chris Jericho puts anyone on The List, take a drink.
*If Chris Jericho calls someone a stupid idiot, take a drink.
*If we have to relive the awful hotel incident, you must strip down to your underwear and take a drink.
*If Enzo actually returns, take a drink. Then, explain to your children why what Enzo did was incredibly stupid and wrong. This could be a teaching moment for the youth of America.
*If Emmalina shows up, take a drink. If she’s paired up with Dana Brooke again, feel free to vomit at this point.
*If Rusev wins, read this, then take a drink. Shit – if Rusev loses, read this anyway.
*If Sasha Banks somehow utilizes an inanimate object during the Bank Statement again, take a drink.
*Take a drink for every spear Roman Reigns hits during the main event.
*We all know Reigns is getting both belts, right? Well, if Reigns leaves Roadblock with both titles, take two drinks. Look around the room for an appropriate item to Superman Punch, and deliver the Superman Punch to said item.
*If Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens end up reuniting to keep Roman Reigns from winning the WWE Universal Championship, take a shot. Then, call up a long lost buddy, or even better, an old flame, maybe even an ex that things didn’t end well with, and make up with him/her in spirit of Jeri-KO’s reunion.
That’s all I got, folks, but you’re going to be mighty toasty come Sunday night – Enjoy, and Merry Christmas (shitter’s full).
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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