I’ve tried to stay out of political talk lately. I understand it’s a great source of comedy, and I do thoroughly enjoy riling people up on both sides of the debate, but man – it’s just been weighing me down so much lately. So tired of it. Then, I see a little nugget about my beloved Dippin’ Dots.
Well, thank Sean Spicer for pulling this big ol’ grizzly back into the fray. Suddenly, I’m picturing an actual grizzly bear on a debate stage in a suit and tie. And, hey – there’s your daily glimpse into my mind. If I ever look like I’m in deep thought, just know that I’m probably doing nothing more than daydreaming about wild animals doing human people stuff.
Anyway, thanks to the A.V. Club – “….But this brief briefing also served as a trial by fire for Spicer himself: Could he get through an entire five minute speech to the press without slipping in an attack on his arch-enemy Dippin’ Dots, The Ice Cream Of The Future?
Dippin dots is NOT the ice cream of the future
— Sean Spicer (@seanspicer) April 8, 2010
I think I have said this before but Dippin Dots are notthe ice cream of the future
— Sean Spicer (@seanspicer) September 22, 2011
Ice Cream of the Past: Dippin’ Dots Files for Bankruptcy http://t.co/xPifdujD
— Sean Spicer (@seanspicer) November 4, 2011
First, A.V. Club, I’m with you – someone needs to ask Spicer about this at an official press briefing. This has a lot of potential entertainment value.
Second, anyone that speaks ill of Dippin’ Dots can be thrown in the Cumberland. That’s a river in Nashville for those of you reading outside of Tennessee. You take a bite of Rainbow Ice and tell me it doesn’t give your tongue pure orgasmic pleasure. I dare you. Or, you could let your Rainbow Ice melt a little bit so that it has just the right amount of wetness to be refreshing. That might actually give you a legitimate orgasm if it’s a hot summer day and you’re taking in a Nashville Sounds baseball game or any other summer time activity.
But, it doesn’t even have to be Rainbow Ice – your standard Strawberry is just fine, too. Or, throw in Banana Split from time to time. It’s all one great, glorious culinary heaven.
I hate to break it to you, Spicer, but Dippin’ Dots has been the ice cream of the future since 199fuckin5. You have one hell of a mountain to climb in this battle and guess what – Dippin’ Dots has the upper ground.
Do you know what 2017 is to 1995? The future. And, Dippin’ Dots is STILL the ice cream of the future. It will always be the ice cream of the future – an accomplishment not even Chapter 11 bankruptcy can stop.
You want a war? You got your war. If it’s Dippin’ Dots vs. the world, Big Natural sides with Dippin’ Dots. The world doesn’t deserve such a treat.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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