No One Is As Clutch As This Dude Who Died 27 Times and Lived to Tell the Tale

 In Humor, News

Always a fan of a clutch story. Last week, we had the Aussie who survived getting pinned under an excavator in a pond. This week, we have a 54 year old man going into cardiac arrest and dying 27 times, but somehow making it through.

Courtesy of the BBC“A man who had a heart attack after playing six 10 minute games of “walking football” says he “died” 27 times in hospital.

I’m not sure of what “walking football” actually means here. I’m assuming, since this is the BBC, that they mean European Football. Or, soccer as some call it. I kind of want to see if I can find some sort of “walking football” YouTube rabbit hole to crawl down – I’m making a note to do that after I finish this piece.

But, let’s assume we’re talking about American football here. If players are walking, what’s the longest completion you could reasonably pull off? I’m setting the over/under at five yards. Boring football – but football that is probably better for people at risk of going into cardiac arrest 27 times.

Also, our boy here shelling out TEN GAMES before realizing he had to call it quits, well, that’s just Bret Hart-level determination.

Now that the most important analysis of this news has been done, back to the original piece…

Ray Woodhall, 54, said he suffered so many cardiac arrests a nurse apologised for having to beat his chest so much.

Mr. Woodhall here is shattering records left and right. 10 games of walking football with a heart on the verge of failing. 27 resuscitations, and all of this at the astonishingly young age of 54. Shit – I read this headline and thought the guy had to be in his 70s.

What is he basing this estimate on? Has he been down this road before?

What a remarkable dude – not only is he teaching a master class on being clutch, but he’s solved the age old question of what happens when we die. It’s like going to sleep. That actually sounds kinda nice right about now.

After all of this, he’s still just trying to make sure the hospital and this badass nurse get the credit for it. Amazing. Bravo, Mr. Woodhall – we don’t have a Hall of Clutch, but I’m beginning to think we need one. You’ll be the first inductee.

Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley@PFSpot@WrestlingNewsCo@Bama_Hammer

Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork

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