What up, SoBros?!?! Big Natural is back from vacation (road trip post coming soon) and ready to tackle the real issues in America. Only the most important news stories of all time of ever on this site. I don’t care if this story is a week old, I have to weigh in. Give me a damn break, anyway. I was on vacation, getting the shit sunburnt out of my hands. Anyway, on to the story:
Pledging to assist anyone who “wants to get plowed,” the adult entertainment site says it is sending out a fleet of branded trucks to clean the city’s streets and parking lots for free.
“The Pornhub team understands that by this time of year, most cities have run up their budget in snow removal,” Pornhub Vice President Corey Price tells Boston, “and we thought we’d lend a hand in getting our fans plowed.”
There are a lot of detractors of the adult entertainment industry out there, but I gotta say – this right here has earned porn a lot of respect and credibility. It used to be that people looked at porn as trashy and low class, but good guy Pornhub shows up to demonstrate just exactly how valuable they can really be. Just when you think you aren’t going to make it to work on time, the Pornhub truck comes through and plows away real good.
Each of the trucks—he says there are more than two dozen of them—will have the porn website’s black, white, and orange logo on their plows and doors.
I get it – some people are probably going to have some awkward conversations if they have children in their car, but let’s be real here. If your child is old enough to read, it probably knows what porn is already. I think that’s one of the first acquired skill of a child…how to find porn. I, for one, learned when I was three years old. It’s just human nature.
And, before you come after me – I totally understand. Porn objectifies women. It objectifies men’s penises. It objectifies love, presents unrealistic sexual expectations, ruins marriages, feeds addiction, and basically desecrates the institution of love. It’s not really a good thing at all – I get it. I’m on your level.
-but-
if not for Pornhub, how would these Boston and New Jersey natives have made it to work on clean streets last Monday? Think about that for a second. Think about the importance of what they’ve done here.
Let’s try not to be so selfish, judgmental, and hypocritical next time. Let’s give Pornhub a chance to become a staple of American justice.
There certainly will be a lot of plowing going on in Boston tomorrow. Forecasters say we could get 12-18 inches of snow.
It’s catchy – plenty of puns to make here, but in all seriousness, what we’re about here on this site is helping the people. Pornhub is helping the people, so I’m on board. #PlowPornhubPlow
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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