Top 10 Quotes From My Fave Comedies

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If you know me at all then you are well aware of the fact that I often speak in movie quotes. This has always effected people differently depending on your upbringing and how much of a lame-ass you are. For instance, if I were to call you a “half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder”, some people would hear that and laugh and others would hear it and look at me like I was a fucking idiot. Honestly, it is hard to blame them either way.

If you know the reference then you will either giggle or you will roll your eyes because you were born without a soul and don’t like Star Wars. Now for my much anticipated list that ironically doesn’t include Star Wars because it is not a comedy, unless you have a really sick sense of humor. If that is the case, email Stoney who runs this site and ask him to be a contributor.

10. “Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time“. From the classic, Monty Python and The Holy Grail. This is comedy gold where King Author and his brave knights attempt to storm a castle that is being occupied by a foul mouthed guard. The 1975 movie has reached cult movie status with multiple generations. If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor and kill yourself. Or watch the movie.

9. “Austria!? well then… g’day mate. let’s put anotha shrimp on the barbie“. Another essential comedy, Dumb & Dumber opens the movie with a fantastic scene and extremely quotable moment when Jim Carrey, playing dumb-ass limo driver Lloyd Christmas pulls up to a girl on the street, jumps in the back of the limo and hits on the girl while pretending to be a doctor. An interesting point someone brought up the other day to me; what happens if she actually got in the car???? MIND=BLOWN.

8. “yea its a real shit hole you’ll love it. downstairs apartment 1 a“. The list could hardly be complete without a line from Coming to AmericaThis line comes as Prince Hakeem is trading apartments with his landlord so he can convince a girl he is very poor. I know, I know, the same thing happens to me constantly. Hopefully for your sake the guy who lives downstairs from you has a “real shit hole” of an apartment you can use when you need to convince a girl you aren’t a prince.

7. “I can dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much!” Spoiler Alert! This will not be the last time Ben Stiller makes the list. In the cult comedy Zoolander; 4 time international male model of the year Derek Zoolander is facing off with his arch nemesis, Hansel. Where an exchange takes place that leads up to an epic “Walk-Off” that is refereed by David Bowie. It might sound a little far fetched to you but you’ve probably never had to use someone’s apartment to convince a girl that you aren’t a prince either, so back the fuck up.

6. Tony Perkis: [over the loudspeakers] “Time to wake up, campers! Today is evaluation day. The key word here is ‘value.’ Do you have any? Not yet! But before summer’s over, this camp’s gonna be filled with skinny winners!” Roy: “‘Skinny weiners?’ You hear that, guys?” I promised more Ben Stiller and I am a man of my word. The 90’s hit Heavyweightsis a wonderfully 90’s, coming of age movie about a bunch of kids who attend a fat camp that unbeknownst to them has been sold to psychopathic health nut Tony Perkis, played by Ben Stiller. I’m filled with nostalgia inducing warm fuzzies just thinking about it.

5. “And all the while you’re just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called “just the tip”. Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you’re on my hair.” This one definitely deserves a spot on the top of the list. In the pantheon of great quotes it checks many of the required categories, but might be a little to rapey for a top 3 position. Never the less, Vince Vaughn gets high marks for this quote in the 2005 hit comedy Wedding Crashers.

4. “No, fuck him. Fuck that, ’cause I’m from New York City, goddammit. Nobody take no cornbread from me. That goes for anyone of you motherfucking farmers who wanna start some shit. You fuck around with me, there’s gonna be consequences and repercussions.” I know exactly how Eddie Murphy’s character, Rayford Gibson feels in the 1999 move Life, I’m from Nashville, TN goddammit! But in all seriousness, I am from Nashville and you will not be taking my cornbread.

3. “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.” I really shouldn’t have to tell you what movie this is from or who said it, but I am going to. From the star packed 1993 movie Dazed and Confused we have the typical older creepy guy who gets high with high school kids and bangs their female counterparts. Played by a guy who has, I shit you not, won an Oscar for best actor. This was absolutely Matthew McConaughey’s break out role. His only acting credit before this is one episode of Unsolved Mysteries. And in case you are keeping count, that is two actors in this movie who went on to win an Oscar, although Affleck never won for Best Actor like our boy Wooderson mentioned before.

2. “Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say ‘YES'”. We can’t really have a serious discussion about funny movies without mentioning at least one that was written by the great Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis. Unfortunately Mr. Ramis passed away before I could bestow this honor to him personally. Not that he needed it, in 1984 Ghostbusters was the definition of a blockbuster and most recently was shat upon in an overly feminist remake that did not pay appropriate homage to the original. Not to sound like a total 80’s fan boy that doesn’t like movies with female leads, I’m not, I love Melissa McCarthy and most of the movies she is in. She is like a female Chris Farley… Which brings me to my #1 all time fave movie and my fave quote from that movie. 

1. “Richard Hayden: A message? What number did you call? Tommy: Two, four, niner, five, six, seven… Richard Hayden: I can’t hear you, you’re trailing off and did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?”. OK, I know this isn’t technically a quote and is more of a dialogue, but you can quote any part of it to me anytime and get the appropriate response. Also on the short list was “I think you’ll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. ‘Surprised you didn’t know that” . One of my favorite all time movies, Tommy Boy, from smack in the middle of the best decade of all time, the 90’s. Chris Farley you will be missed.

I hope you enjoyed my run-down of my fave comedies and my fave quotes from said comedies.

Joe Gribble is the SoBros Network’s resident East Tennessean and expert on the Vols and unpopular opinions. You can disagree with him, but just know – he really doesn’t give a flying fuck. Follow on Twitter: @BrosephGribble

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