Wrestlemania 33 emanated out of Orlando, Florida last night. The show had a decent build and a card that was loaded with potential. Seven hours is a long ass time to sit and stay invested in a wrestling show, so the task of putting on an entertaining epic was tall.
And, hey – if you’re on the go, recovering from a hangover, or any number of other reasons you don’t want to read anything right now….I got you real quick:
My TL;DR Match Rankings:
1. AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon
2. Triple H vs. Seth Rollins
3. Tag Team Ladder Match
4. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens
5. Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker
Now, on to the deeper analysis…
*Cruiserweight Championship: Neville defeated Austin Aries (6.5/10) – this was the perfect way to kick off the show, and it’s probably a blessing that this match was on the pre-show. They got ample time to build a solid match. One of the more fun bouts of the night.
*Mojo Rawley wins the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal (4.5/10) – Well, I’m going to have to eat my words after repeatedly saying the ATGMBR means something. I really thought this would be a device to get Braun Strowman over. Once he was eliminated, I thought maybe they’d give it to Luke Harper or Sami Zayn…nope, Mojo Rawley with the assist to New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski. Now, if they go on to push the guy – maybe give him a shot at the Intercontinental Championship by the summer, I’ll stand corrected again. For now, it seems like a cheap way to get some celebrity involvement on the show. It was fun, but completely inconsequential.
*Intercontinental Championship: Dean Ambrose defeated Baron Corbin (6/10) – A solid performance by these guys, but it did feel like they were added to the pre-show last minute. It almost looked as if they were caught off guard. As if someone literally just ran to them and said, “hey – you guys are on now.” Still, Ambrose gets the win after an awesome counter of the End of Days into Dirty Deeds.
*AJ Styles defeated Shane McMahon (9/10) – One of my favorite matches of the year so far, and match of the night, in my opinion. A good story leading up to one of the all-time great Wrestlemania openers. I hate to say I told you so, but I tried to tell y’all this was going to steal the show.
*United States Championship: Kevin Owens defeated Chris Jericho (7/10) – This was a good blowoff to a long, emotional feud. That said, on its own, the match wasn’t one that will be remembered in Wrestlemania history. It left a little to be desired.
*Raw Women’s Championshp: Bayley defeated Charlotte Flair, Sasha Banks, and Nia Jax (7/10) – I loved the opening sequence that made Nia Jax look like a monster. Banks’ elimination was awfully sudden, and Flair’s was anti-climactic. But, overall, it was a good showcase of the Raw women’s division.
*Raw Tag Team Championship Ladder Match: The Hardy Boyz defeated Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows, Sheamus & Cesaro, and Enzo Amore & Big Cass (8/10) – Wow. Bravo, WWE – the return of the Matt and Jeff Hardy was executed to perfection, and the match was a classic.
*Non-sanctioned match: Seth Rollins defeated Triple H (8.5/10) – Narrowly the second best match of the night – actually, it may be better to list Styles-McMahon 1A and Rollins-Triple H 1B. This contest was years in the making and these two laid it all on the line in Orlando. Seeing Stephanie fly through a table was pretty shocking, and the entrances were solid. Points all around.
*John Cena & Nikki Bella defeated The Miz & Maryse (6/10) – The match was okay, but we all knew it was about creating that Wrestlemania moment when Cena proposed. That’s fine – I liked that Al Roker was involved, and the proposal has been all over the morning talk shows today. That’s what it was for, it served that purpose, and nothing more. No complaints here.
*WWE Championship: Randy Orton defeated Bray Wyatt (2/10) – One of the worst title matches in Wrestlemania history. Pitbull and Flo-Rida effectively killed the audience, and they needed something to bring them back. Orton and Wyatt did not. I warned y’all that after these two put on a lackluster main event at No Mercy last fall, this could happen. It did. Sometimes, guys just don’t have chemistry. This match was uneventful, too slow, and hey – sometimes, you just don’t mesh with a guy. For all the story behind it, this match failed miserably. 2 points for the graphics team though – the maggots, bugs, and that snake slithering down the ramp. That is all.
*Universal Championship: Brock Lesnar defeated Goldberg (6/10) – Might not be a popular opinion, but I really enjoyed this match. The story behind it, the limitations of the two performers – they took it all and put something together that worked. They knew what it was, kept it out of the main event slot, and the crowd was hot for it one way or the other. At a point when the show was on life support, they pulled something out that got the fans involved again.
*Smackdown Women’s Championship: Naomi defeated Alexa Bliss, Becky Lynch, Mickie James, Natalya, and Carmella (5/10) – Average match loaded with fun spots, but to say it wasn’t rushed would be erroneous. It felt like they got the women out, hit all their signature stuff, got Ellsworth involved, gave Naomi her moment in front of her hometown, and got out.
*Roman Reigns defeated The Undertaker (7/10) – Boy, it’s never been more evident that The Undertaker’s retirement needed to happen. He is in terrible shape, and people blaming last night’s botches on Reigns are completely wrong. Undertaker was fortunate to have a guy like Reigns bump all over the damn arena for him and sell everything he threw at him. Overly aggressive Reigns was gold – spear after spear, Superman Punch after Superman Punch, chair shot after chair shot, finally putting away the Dead Man for good.
This is a tough spot for a guy to be in. You’re asked to retire one of if not the greatest of all time. No pressure, right? He shined in that position. The lasting image of this Wrestlemania will be Undertaker leaving the gloves in the ring and riding off into the sunset.
Kudos to WWE for putting this on last. Kudos to Reigns for squeezing the tube dry on Undertaker’s career. And, of course, kudos to The Undertaker for….well, shit…..everything.
Not a dry eye in the house.
Overall, I give Wrestlemania a 7/10. The pacing of the show was a little off. An hour of talking before consecutive kickoff matches…more talking…Ambrose-Corbin…promos…then a hot start to the show with five straight energetic matches. The mixed tag match provided a great moment and a nice break in the frenetic pace of the show. Then, Pitbull and Flo-Rida brought the show to a screeching halt. People were tired and no one cared about this performance.
I’m not sure when the WWE is going to realize that people come to Wrestlemania to see wrestling. They don’t need these performances. ‘America The Beautiful’ is fine enough. Orton and Wyatt could not get the crowd back in an absolute dud of a match. Ultimately, that stretch is going to stand as the black eye on this Wrestlemania.
They regrouped, finished the strong and ended with one of the most emotional goodbyes in wrestling history.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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