You know we love our frivolous lawsuits on this site, but today, I present to you a more serious matter…
A Massachusetts man who sued a pair of Dunkin’ Donuts owners because he said he was given a butter substitute when he asked for real butter on his bagel has won a settlement.
I want to retire by 40. There, I said it. I’m sure there are many others out there like me, who are totally just going through the motions, have a day job that doesn’t mean shit to them, all for the sake of paying bills and conforming to society’s “normal life” construct. Well, gang – we’ve found our ticket.
It’s time we start frequenting as many establishments as it takes, asking for butter, and seeing if we end up with butter substitutes. Think about it – someone’s bound to fuck up somewhere, then we pounce on the opportunity to sue.
We could even form our own butter substitute victim retirement community.
The Boston Globe (http://bit.ly/2ogQP2u ) reports that Jan Polanik’s suits name two companies that together own more than 20 stores.
Jan found the jackpot. He just happened to get fake butter from some big time Dunkin’ Donuts kingpins.
Polanik’s lawyer, Thomas Shapiro, acknowledged that his client’s complaint is “a minor thing,” but they decided to sue “to stop the practice of representing one thing and selling a different thing.”
You know what – I get it. This is about principle. It’s a moral crusade. I’m sure the money has nothing to do with it, because people just don’t do that kind of stuff anymore. That’s early 2000s society. The trend of suing over nonsensical things is behind us.
Shapiro did not disclose the settlement’s terms, because it hasn’t yet been filed with the court.
An attorney for one franchisee confirms that the case has been settled and the stores have changed their butter-serving protocol. A spokesman for the other franchisee could not be reached.
Just goes to show you…you always gotta keep that butter-serving protocol on lock.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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