Alright, SoBros Nation, it’s time for us to put on our detective caps and solve another mystery. This time, Florida Gators head football coach Jim McElwain is at the center of the controversy.
Over the weekend, a photo of a grinning, completely naked man hugging a shark on a boat made the rounds. U.K.-based wildlife TV presenter Anneka Svenska was one of the more notable people who shared the photo. The bare-assed, cherubic shark-humper looked a lot like Florida Gators football coach Jim McElwain.
A Google image search didn’t turn up any results beyond the same photo being shared on various college football forums, so Deadspin asked one source that might be in the know: The University of Florida. A spokesperson for the school’s athletics department said that McElwain, who became aware of the photo over the weekend, was not the man in it. “He’s told us it’s not him,” the spokesperson said.
Whoever that guy is, he looks absolutely thrilled.
Wow. You know, I’ve been describing McElwain as ‘cherubic’ for years now. It’s incredible. That has to be him. Then again, it’s hard to tell. We need some sort of forensic remastering of this photo. Otherwise, we might as well be breaking down bigfoot footage….which, ironically sounds like a different type of controversy we might find McElwain in.
Some of you might wonder why you would even do this, much less take a picture of it. Well, listen – whoever this man is is obviously living a lifestyle that none of us can comprehend. Has to be one of those rich and eccentric millionaire types that us peasants don’t understand.
Could McElwain fit that bill? Absolutely – now, I’m saying this having no idea what he makes at the University of Florida. I could look it up, but we don’t believe in research here at the SoBros Network. Research is a propaganda tool invented by liberals to make us believe in science. Just look at the eye test here – that is something an eccentric millionaire would do, and it’s possible that McElwain is a millionaire, so I’m ready to call it basically a fact. Done, case closed. This may or may not be McElwain – cut and dry.
I think the best way to operate is kind of like a child believing in Santa Claus. If you believe in him, he’ll bring you presents. If you don’t, you ain’t gettin’ shit. But, regardless of whether Santa Claus is real or not (for the record, I do believe he’s real and I’m 30 years old, so no one should feel embarrassed), the legend exists.
It matters not whether Santa Claus is real or not. It matters what people believe. So, whether it’s really McElwain or not, we have a legend to hold onto now.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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