In 2017, we’re all trying to save money, right? We had that big recession a decade ago and most of us are still recovering. So, why should the U.S. military be any different? This is apart of what we do here, people: help drive the future. Well, thanks to one Oklahoma man who created porn magazine armor, I see an opportunity to help support our armed forces.
A man in Oklahoma was arrested Sunday after he reportedly showed up to his former neighbor’s house armed with knives and pornographic magazines taped to his chest as armor looking for a fight.
Whoa. How have we never thought about protecting ourself with literature during a knife fight? Also, how many knife fights have you been in that you know how to prepare for one? More so, that you understand it’s hard for a knife to cut through magazine armor? It’s crazy.
Just crazy enough to work if you ask me.
Police said Donald Gaither had an ongoing disagreement with his neighbor Troy Bagley, according to KXII. Gaither reportedly thought Bagley had gotten him kicked out of a mobile home park in Pontotoc County.
Things came to a head when Gaither showed up to Bagley’s home and yelled “come out and get some,” KFOR said.
Let it be known that you do not fuck with Donald Gaither or he will show up at your home instructing you to come out and get some. Honestly, this whole thing is weird, but this is my favorite part. Just outrageously brazen behavior. Personally, I love the attitude. I love the fight in this guy. It’s doubtful that I go around with porn taped to my belly challenging people to fights. But, it is possible that I start each morning with “come out and get some” from now on.
Gaither was reportedly holding two knives with two more secured at his waist. He also had a large weight attached to a lanyard and had created a man-made armor of sorts, comprised of adult magazines taped to his body.
I’m going to need more details on this lanyard. Just don’t understand how that’s going to function. Is it a tiny weight? Like a paper weight? How do you secure a weight to a lanyard? If it’s a dumbbell or something, I imagine you’d have trouble holding your device together. Weights on lanyards are not something I would recommend to the military.
Gaither reportedly told authorities that he was in “survival mode” and had been to prison and [knew] what to do to protect himself, KFOR said. He reportedly had previously gone to jail for charges of aggravated assault and battery, robbery, possession of stolen property and extortion.
His Sunday arrest charged him with assault with a dangerous weapon and possession of an offensive weapon, KFOR reported.
You get kicked out of the trailer park, you go into survival mode, folks. That is just a fact. There’s nothing we can do or say to dispute that fact. Hell, I don’t know that we should necessarily blame Gaither for this incident after these details have come to light.
Regardless of how this story ends for the guy with porn strapped to his chest, I think it brings to light a cheaper method of defense for our troops. Something for the armed forces to consider. I only bring it up because I, personally, support the troops and want to do everything I can to help them.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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