It’s the holidays. We are t-minus two weeks from Christmas, and we’re all either gearing up for the big day – some of us have already finished up all of our shopping and are just sitting back and relaxing – or we’re stressing the fuck out. Seasonal depression has set in for some of you, and that’s a real bitch, but just trust me, you aren’t alone, and it’ll be Spring time before you know it. I feel like this got dark all of a sudden, and I’m doing more to make things worse than I am actually helping, but I am trying to get through this just like all of you with seasonal depression are trying to get through Christmas. Shit – I did it again. My bad. Okay, let’s watch this electric ice skating Santa murder this routine and have the crowd dripping wet:
The fireworks! It’s the damn fireworks! I could see this being just the right amount of whimsical to be enjoyable without the fireworks. But, with them? C’mon, Santa….you big jolly motherfucker. I could not have rolled my eyes harder.
It’s one thing that you make it all the way around the world in one night..like how’s that possible? And, it’s another that you’re not just flying all around the world, but you’re stopping at the houses of all the good kids (which honestly, I don’t believe there are too many good children in the world so it can’t be adding that much time to the commute), too? On top of that, you’re drinking a shit ton of milk, eating cookies, and somehow the ground isn’t covered with your puke and shit the next morning?
No, all of those wonderful things aren’t enough….you gotta go out and put the entire ice skating world to shame. Who even are you, dude?
All in all, I think this is just a terrible thing…overall. It’s going to raise so many questions that I wish he would’ve just kept it in his pants. How does he do it? The world doesn’t need to know. Kids don’t need to know how magic and science interact to create this extraordinary human being named Santa. You don’t conceal magic by using more of it, so Santa, I say to you good day.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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