Ridiculously Fabricated Bowl Names, Year 4

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I just simply can’t believe we’re on the fourth year of Ridiculously Fabricated Bowl Names. It’s honestly one of my favorite pieces we run every year. Just because it’s so absurd and fun. I don’t think I’ll ever write a better intro than I did last year.

College football is weird, man. Not only can you not have a winning season and make it to a bowl game, but the millions of dollars floating around these games have created some pretty interesting names for the bowls themselves. There’s The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, The Dollar General Bowl, The Motel 6 Cactus Bowl, and The Nova Home Loans Arizona Bowl just to name a few. Those are real bowl names, too!

We haven’t even started listing our fake bowl names. That is real – and it’s a testament to the power of the dollar.

For the right price, you could slap any name on any bowl game, and ESPN and the NCAA would run with it. How else do you think the AdvoCare V100 Texas Bowl came to fruition?

So, yeah – what we’re doing here is providing a little bit of humor to get you through your work day. But, it’s also a bit of social commentary on the absurdity of the 80 college football bowl games we’re getting ready to witness. It’s my favorite piece of the year

On top of all of that, they hand out some really odd trophies. “Congrats on the fine season! Here’s this giant, polished BOWL OF ORANGES!” That tradition is made even weirder by the fact that the head coach, MVP, or someone usually starts taking the oranges out of the bowl and throwing them around to teammates. When did this become a thing?

Yeah – it’s crazy, but let’s cut the bullshit and get down to brass tax – here are our submissions for the THIRD ANNUAL (holy shit – have we been writing that long now?) Ridiculously Fabricated Bowl Names. Time for me (Big Natural) to sit down with friends of the site Crawdad and Big Game Paul, and churn out some nonsense. And yes, what follows is literally just a list of made-up bowl games. So, if you’re not into that, best be GTFO right now.

Big Natural’s Submissions

The Bugles Smear Campaign Bowl
The Hardwood Hoebag Classic sponsored by Hardee’s
The Dick’s Sporting Goods Dicks Bowl
The Visit Puerto Rico Firewood Bowl
The Johnson & Johnson Baby Shampoo Bowl
The F.A.O. Schwartz Cosmetology Bowl
The Dairy Queen Big Wooden Stick Bowl
The YouTube Cherished Memories Bowl
The Kool-Aid Geriatric Genocide Bowl
The Land Before Time Puberty Bowl
The Miller Lite Scottie Pippen Bowl
The Waldenbooks Foot Stompin’ Shindig Extravaganza Bowl
The Lululemon Speckled Shaft Bowl
The New York Knicks present The Waterford Crystal Elitist Classic
The Air Canada Spaghetti Bowl
The Innova Disc Golf Medieval Torture Bowl
Reba McEntire’s Country Fuckfest Classic
The Reeeeeeeeeed Robin Yum Castration Bowl
The General Hospital Yes That Show’s Been Cancelled Forever Boot Bowl
The Boar’s Head Tulip Bowl
The Dos Equis Cowardice Bowl
Jeff Goldblum’s Exquisite Rose Gold Bowl
The Cockatiel Bowl Presented by Dallas Buyers Club Starring Matthew McConaughey
The Winston Churchill Memorial Mammogram Bowl
The Autozone Get Wrecked Classic

Crawdad’s Submissions

The Schick Love of Your Life Bowl
The Motts Fiberoptic Bowl
The Canadian Club Whiskey Cerebral Palsy Classic
The American Heart Association Bottomless Steak Fries Bowl
The Newman’s Own Lookout Below! Classic
The Glade Sense and Spray Automatic Air Freshener Innocent Bystander Bowl
The Little Debbie’s Prosecution Classic
The Burt’s Bees Nuclear Proliferation Bowl

Big Game Paul’s Submissions

The Just This Once, No One Has to Know Bowl
The Tax Free 1% Bowl
The They Took Our Jobs Bowl
The Fracking Right Bowl
The Housewife Pillpoppas Bowl

So, which one is the best? Let us know on Facebook or Twitter!

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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