Listen – I’m not going to sit here and lie to y’all’s faces. I love me some Hooter’s, and I don’t mean titties. I mean the perfectly fine restaurant chain known for their brews and wings. This may come as a shock to most of you, but some people have deemed Hooter’s ‘unsavory.’
Some have even gone as far as calling it ‘classless.’ I know. It’s unbelievable. But, thankfully, these people will no longer have to compromise their integrity in order to get some delicious Hooter’s (again, not titties):
The American restaurant chain Hooters, infamous for its scantily-clad waitresses known as ‘Hooters Girls’, has branched out into delivery service in the hope of reaching customers who are too embarrassed to visit one of its outlets.
During his talk at the ICR Retail conference in Orlando, which ran from Jan. 8 to Jan. 10, Hooters’ Chief Executive Terry Marks said the company has been focusing on delivery and pick-up orders. “Many people wouldn’t step foot in our restaurants, but they want our product,” he said, the New York Post reports, before adding: “Delivery [solves] the polarizing issue the brand has had.”
This feels like a real win for all of us. It means more people are going to get Hooter’s, but no one has to feel bad about that.
I like Hooter’s – underrated sliders, if you want my recommendation. But, I totally get why you wouldn’t want to be seen in there. It’s a tad trashy if you have any semblance of class whatsoever. I find that the key to frequenting Hooter’s is just to not have any standards for yourself.
Take me, for instance. I never brag about how classy I am. I figure most of you guys know how low brow I am. That stuff doesn’t bother me. In fact, I welcome the gutter.
But, part of me also wonders what people think really goes on in a Hooter’s. I mean, it’s not a strip club. You don’t see women walking around topless. It’s not like you meet up with your boys for some wings and next think you know, you’re balls deep in a gang bang.
Hooter’s is not some whorish commune. It’s still technically a family establishment. Sure, the people who regularly hang out at a Hooter’s are pretty creepy. But, most of us just love wings and want a decent meal.
In fact, I purposefully try to avoid any sort of connection with the waitresses. I’m on to the gimmick. I’m smart enough to know what’s going on. You don’t care about my day. You just want my money. I’m not looking at your boobies. I’m too strong for that, and that’s not why I’m here. I will not look at you when you walk away because I have much more pride and integrity than Creepy Paul who grunts regularly in between fried pickles, and is in here every day at 11AM.
I’m sorry this turned into a deep-seeded revelation of my personal feelings about Hooter’s. I fully intended for this to be a piece of real journalism, simply reporting the news.
I’m just saying – maybe we should lessen the Hooter’s stigma and they won’t have to employ dramatic marketing campaigns like offering customers Bitcoin to get the world to know their wonderful wings exist.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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