About a week or so ago, the Powerball jackpot got up to several hundred million dollars. Forgive me – I don’t remember the exact amount. It’s something I meant to get to last week, but with all the big news coming out recently, I’m just now getting around to it. As we’re prone to do, we turned the SoBros Network Slack group into a veritable Animal House talking about all of the ridiculous things we’d do if we won that kind of money in the lottery.
We thought, “hey – here’s an article idea,” and boom – here we are. I’ve compiled all the answers from most of our writers.
Jonas Brotherly
1. Find a way to create real Pokémon
2. Find a way to create real ninja turtles
3. Make the Pokémon and ninja turtles fight gladiator style.
4. Probably buy a yacht.
Poppa Bear
A. I’d build a house in the middle of a giant piece of land where I would have a neighbor for miles.
B. I’d donate half of it to St. Judes.
C. I’d buy the set from Legends of the Hidden Temple and have my friends compete for prizes and shopping sprees.
D. I’d buy a giraffe.
Cadbury Pringlebatch
1st purchase is a shit ton of land. 2nd is to build a massive house on the back side of a hill, but put a single-wide trailer on top of the hill facing the driveway for confusion. 3rd is to build a Wipe-Course in the yard. 4th is to hire a staff of little people.
Herbie Brooks
1. Buy a house somewhere tropical.
2. Donate a good chunk to charity.
3. Building off Poppa Bear’s, but with the set from GUTS.
4. Buy Sidney Crosby so P.K. Subban can take slap shots at his nuts all day.
Rubber Rooster
I would probably just buy a house in New Mexico, Hawaii, Norway, Scotland, and a cabin next to a lake in Maine (just like a Stephen King novel). I’m not that creative, I just want to live in cool places.
Smokey
If I won the lottery, I would buy some property across or beside that horrid Nathan Bedford Forrest statue off of I-65 and build a statue of a giant pink Dildo surrounded by rainbow flags. I would just want the liberals to protest at the Bedford statue and Conservatives to protest at the dildo and eat popcorn to see if anything happens.
“Big Natural” Stoney Keeley (me)
1. Invest
2. Take care of family and friends
3. Buy a house on a lot of land.
4. SoBros SoBros SoBros SoBros SoBros
“Nature Boy” Brandon Vick
Hopefully I’d be smart enough to invest and would help out those in need along with a nice little stash for my friends and family. For an only child, I’d be OK sharing it. Maybe a house (not a mansion though). Then I’d splurge and buy my very own movie theater…. Sir Brandon’s Babylon. You would even get reward points there!
Ralph Wiggum
Start at the top of the a-list and work my way down, trying to find the first celebrity that would let me fart in their face for ten thousand dollars.
What do you think SoBros faithful? Who has the best vision for sudden, immense wealth? What would you guys do with a huge jackpot?
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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