It’s a scary time to be alive, man. In 2018, all bets are off. The future is upon us, and it’s seemingly ripe with new horizons. But, with that comes some frightening prospects. Cars without drivers, drone armies, robot dogs, nano-weaponry, and monstrous animals. Yes, we’re already seeing this phenomenon in the wild. It seems like every day there’s a new super gator in Florida, bigger than the one found the day before. Now, there’s a mutant crayfish out there that can apparently spawn on its own for no good reason.
A mutant species of all-female crayfish taking over the world is not the latest science fiction film but a real-life environmental thriller.
A new study has found that marbled crayfish are multiplying rapidly and invading ecosystems across the world.
The ten-legged pests are descended from one single female with a mutation allowing it to reproduce without males.
These self-cloning ladies are found for sale in North America, despite a warning against keeping them as pets.
Okay, let’s call attention to something real quick. Who the fuck keeps a crawdad as a damn pet? I mean, I’m alarmed at the thought of these things multiplying within the blink of an eye and all. But more so, I’m just thinking that has to be the worst pet of all time.
Like, are people going around to pet stores buying them up? What kind of sicko wants that?
I don’t know, but if you’re a cajun fisherman, I imagine you’re trying to scoop up one of these bad boys. Man, your work is done for you. You just put one of those in a huge tank, and within a few months, there’s suddenly hundreds of ’em and all you’ve done is sit back and watch.
That’s a lot of gumbo.
Now officially a separate species, the marbled crayfish can been found in the wild in Japan, Madagascar, multiple European countries and the US.
The new study published in Nature, Ecology and Evolution describes the invasive species as a threat to wild ones, particularly seven native species in Madagascar.
“If you have one animal, essentially, three months later, you will have 200 or 300,” Dr Wolfgang Stein, one of the researchers, told Canadian public broadcaster CBC.
That is terrifying. I’m not even trying to be funny. Like, my heart legit just skipped a beat. Can you imagine if this happened with other animals? You adopt a cat and a few months later, you are suddenly Lord of the 300 Cat Kingdom.
Actually, if this happens to you, you’re dead. There’s just no coming back from this. Be it cats, crayfish, or ducks – it does not matter – 300 of any animal will literally murder you and maybe eat you.
Unless you’re the cajun fisherman. Those sumbitches are tough. So, I guess that’s the moral of this story. If you want to survive the future, you should become a cajun fisherman.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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