I’m a big fan of Applebee’s. I’ve written several articles about the wonders of our favorite neighborhood grill. But, unfortunately, it has come to my attention that not all of the SoBros Universe is in on Applebee’s. What a shame. It truly is one of the finest establishments and best happy hours in the country. Hopefully, the return of the Dollarita will help bring them around.
The DOLLARITA has returned.
A quick guide for the uninitiated:
STEP 1: give the bartender $1
STEP 2: drink the DOLLARITA
STEP 3: repeat— Applebee’s (@Applebees) April 2, 2018
This is going to unite the nation, folks. Mark my words. Everyone is going to peacefully forget their differences, even if it’s just for a moment in time. And, they’re going to bond over the beauty of cheap ass margarita. Republicans and Democrats, Christians an Atheists, Yankees and Red Sox, cats and dogs – it matters not. The Dollarita is here to make us all better.
It’s all month long, too, people. For the entirety of April, you can go get a margarita for a single dollar. A SINGLE DOLLAR!
Oh I followed the directions last time for sure!! @ScottPierman pic.twitter.com/4NfbaAR0Ex
— Will Thom (@ThomDaBomb1) April 3, 2018
Okay, yeah – people are going to die. This started out as a fun, lighthearted post, but now that I’m stopping to think about it….I just don’t know. But, I have a hard time understanding Applebee’s’ motives here. Do they want people to die? They have to want people to die, right? ‘Cause that’s what’s gunna happen. Can you imagine a restaurant full of people hopped up on Dollaritas? I think you’d be reasonable to think this is a form of population control. The American government has had enough and they’ve enlisted the help of Applebee’s.
Real talk, though – we had this awesome spot in Mount Juliet (Providence) called WoW Wingery for several years. Undoubtedly my favorite spot we’ve ever had on this side of town. It’s since closed down, but if you’re lucky, you can find another location throughout the Southeast. Anyway, they used to trot out $2 LITs. There was no better way to spend a Friday night than getting shit-faced across from a movie theater and having to call someone to get you home safely. One night, we put a jalapeno in one of “Nature Boy” Brandon Vick’s. It was quality entertainment that we’ve yet to duplicate on this site. I’m sure our friends and families LOVED getting those phone calls on Friday nights. If Applebee’s’ plan is to lure alcoholics in, then it’s going to work. It’s just a matter of science, folks.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say here is that Brandon and I are probably going to be the first two to die because of Dollaritas.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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