I should start this post by stating that I have never been to Sri Lanka. I do not know how their government works, nor do I understand how their airlines operate. But, after reading this story today, I have learned a valuable lesson. I will never insult the President of their country with shitty, sub-par cashews.
President Maithripala Sirisena has complained that, during a recent trip with Sri Lankan Airlines, he was treated to some cashews which were not fit for human consumption.
In fact, the irate leader added, they were not even suitable for dogs.
DAMN, Sri Lankan Airlines! You done messed up now! Mr. Sirisena is coming out guns-a-blazin’ saying your shit isn’t even good enough for dogs.
I mean, I don’t know if dogs eat cashews to begin with, but that’s not what matters here. What matters is that your cashews are subhuman. They SUCK!
You can’t get much lower than having something so bad that you spark the President of an entire country to speak up.
The airline has been dogged by allegations of corruption in recent years, and is currently under investigation by a special presidential commission of inquiry.
However, exactly what was so offensive about the nuts is unclear.
Speaking at a farmers’ event in southern Sri Lanka on Monday, Mr Sirisena said the offending products were served to him during a flight from the Nepalese capital Kathmandu to Colombo, Sri Lanka, last week.
“When I returned from Nepal, they served some cashew nuts on the plane [that], let alone humans, even dogs can’t eat, who approves these things?” he told a group of farmers in Southern Sri Lanka.
“Who approved the cashew? Who is responsible for this?”
It’s the fuckin’ cashews! What on Earth else could they be investigating? This guy was so pissed that he put together a team to investigate this airline. This man put together the Avengers just to figure out what the hell is going on with these airline cashews.
And, you know he was cut deep because is out on the campaign trail STILL talking about the cashews! He’s talking to farmers about the cashews, and they’re probably just looking at each other like, “what is he talking about?”
Now, he’s out for blood. He’s wanting to know just who exactly is responsible for having shitty cashews on the plane.
I don’t know how they do things in Sri Lanka, but I would not be surprised if the Sri Lankan Cashew Avengers find the man responsible for this happening and murder him dead in the streets.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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