In our never ending quest to provide all of our readers with relatable, ‘slice of life’ style content, we here at the SoBros Network feel the time to weigh in on social commentary has officially come. It’s once again time for me, Big Natural, to open up the leather-bound parchment pages of the annals of history. Put on your plush robe, light your pipe, start a fire, and get ready for deep contemplation. This is the as-often-as-I-remember-to-write-it column: Forgotten Treasures of Americana. Today, we will be looking back upon quicksand…something I thought I’d have to deal with a lot more as an adult.
Y’know – as a kid, it seemed like quicksand could be anywhere. It seemed like it was something I needed to always be on the lookout for. You get in some quicksand, and you’re toast. You might as well kiss your life goodbye. It was that big of a threat.
And, why wouldn’t it be terrifying? Can you imagine walking through the swamp (as we often did as children, of course) and suddenly the Earth itself is essentially sucking you in? You’re just perilously inching closer to complete submersion.
Somewhere along the way, I think we lost sight of that danger. We’ve grown complacent. It’s hard to be afraid of quicksand when we aren’t walking around in swamps anymore and are instead sitting on our dadgum phones all day! So, that’s what I’m here for. That’s what this entire series was based off of – those trinkets of yesterday worth remembering.
Hey, what the hell is quicksand anyway? Well, according to Wikipedia:
Quicksand is a colloid hydrogel consisting of fine granular material (such as sand, silt or clay), and water.
Quicksand forms in saturated loose sand when the sand is suddenly agitated. When water in the sand cannot escape, it creates a liquefied soil that loses strength and cannot support weight. Quicksand can form in standing water or in upwards flowing water (as from an artesian spring). In the case of upwards flowing water, forces oppose the force of gravity and suspend the soil particles.
There you have it – sand, silt, or clay and some water. Now, we know exactly what kills us when we list expect it. Hydrogel. The colloid type to be specific. I’m not going to lie, though, guys – that doesn’t clear up what exactly this stuff is to me. I mean, when I read that paragraph, it’s like something from a completely different dimension.
Wikipedia continues:
A human is unlikely to sink entirely into quicksand due to the higher density of the fluid (assuming the quicksand is on dry ground and not under water, but even if underwater, sinking is still improbable). Quicksand has a density of about 2 grams per milliliter, whereas the density of the human body is only about 1 gram per milliliter. At that level of density, sinking beyond about waist height in quicksand is impossible.
Wait. What?
It’s not even that dangerous? Like, the most dangerous thing about quicksand is that a tiger might eat us while we’re inconvenienced. You literally can’t go deeper than waist deep.
This is a damn sham. My entire childhood has been a lie. We have all been hustled, scammed, bamboozled, hoodwinked, and led astray.
FORGOTTEN TREASURES OF AMERICANA ARCHIVES
3D Doritos
3OH!3
AIM
American Gladiators
The Bermuda Triangle
Braided Belts
Hasbro WWF Action Figures
Homework
Mama’s Family
Playing Outside
That Marilyn Manson rumor…
The Super Soaker 50
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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Image courtesy of Bacila Vlad on Unsplash!
