Alabama truly is a land of opportunity, Roll Tide. Any damn thing you can think of can actually happen, and that’s what makes it so beautiful. Take this story of a meth squirrel, for instance:
WOW. One arrested, one sought by @LimestoneCoSO accused of keeping an “attack squirrel” inside apt, feeding it meth to keep it aggressive.
— Lindsey Connell WAFF (@Lindseyreporter) June 18, 2019
The squirrel was inside a cage, and released by deputies.
“There was no safe way to test the squirrel for meth.” @stephendyoung05 pic.twitter.com/S9fedqh8w1
You know – I would’ve thought that it’d be cheaper to just go buy a gun than pay for enough meth for you and your buddies to enjoy (let’s face it – if you have an attack meth squirrel, you’re probably doing meth yourself) AND keep the ATTACK SQUIRREL good and loaded. But, then again – I’m not up to date on the current meth scene. I’m not sure what the market price for meth is. I know it’s pretty easy to make, no? Maybe that’s what this is – these are just entrepreneurs testing out a new business idea.
I can’t help but wonder what the end game here is, though. Like, how efficient is an attack squirrel? What if it actually gets to a point when you need the meth squirrel? Let’s say someone breaks into your home – how effective is it going to be when you have to get up and run to the cage, then turn it loose?
Is it even trained to attack the right person? How does it know to go after the guy who just kicked down the door? Have you put in the effort to build a strong social relationship with the meth squirrel? If so, what did you do to protect yourself in the meantime?
Just so many questions.
Also, was there not a better solution for the deputies than to just LET THE FUCKING SQUIRREL GO!?!?!
What is that squirrel going to do once he gets out into the wild? He could spread the meth bug to squirrels all over Alabama. What is that conversation like, though? “Shit, what are we going to do with this squirrel?” “Guess we could just turn him loose?”
That doesn’t really seem responsible, but then again, I don’t know Alabama politics.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
Check out the SoBros Shop. Subscribe to our Patreon. Give us money for no reason. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Listen on SoundCloud. Watch on YouTube.
