In our never ending quest to provide all of our readers with relatable, ‘slice of life’ style content, we here at the SoBros Network feel the time to weigh in on social commentary has officially come. It’s once again time for me, Big Natural, to open up the leather-bound parchment pages of the annals of history. Put on your plush robe, light your pipe, start a fire, and get ready for deep contemplation. This is the as-often-as-I-remember-to-write-it column: Forgotten Treasures of Americana. Today, we will be looking back at the famous citizen’s arrest.
I’ve always respected the law. What I’ve respected even more is the fact that individual citizens can take the law into their own hands. Highly advisable. Think about all the good work that Batman has done in his day. You may not be Batman, but we all still have that thing called the citizen’s arrest that we can hang our hats on.
Whatever happened to it?
Before we can answer that question, we have to examine what exactly a citizen’s arrest is. According to Wikipedia:
In the United States a private person may arrest another without a warrant, for a crime occurring in their presence. For which crimes this is permitted may vary state by state. Most states have codified the common law rule that a warrantless arrest may be made by a private person for a felony, misdemeanor or “breach of peace”.[79] “Breach of peace” covers a multitude of violations in which the Supreme Court has included a misdemeanor seatbelt violation punishable only by a fine. The term historically included theft, “nightwalking”, prostitution and playing card and dice games.[80]
There you have it.
Basically, in case you can’t understand that very condescending legal jargon from Wikipedia, that means any person can arrest any other person for any reason. Pretty sure that’s what it means anyway.
It used to be such a huge staple of American culture back in the 90s, unless this is just one of those things I heard watching America’s Most Wanted back when I was a child and it made indelible impression on me. Also, didn’t Hank Hill try to execute a citizen’s arrest once?
Point is, I’m probably the only one here who remembers the citizen’s arrest being something larger than it probably was. But, it doesn’t deter me from my message.
That message is that we need more people policing the streets. All of us can pitch in so that we have a 24/7 surveillance ring set up all over the country. That’s where we’re heading anyway – but wouldn’t you rather it be people you know and trust like your neighbors and friends instead of government officials who can’t be trusted?
Do you know how many people block intersections these days? Imagine if we all finally took a stand against violations such as that and jaywalking. If we perform enough citizen’s arrests, the police will be freed up to do more serious shit like finding meth labs.
Hell, I’m so fired up thinking about how much I miss the citizen’s arrest right now, that I just might drive out to Providence in Mount Juliet and just pull people over all day.
Hope everyone’s well rested at the Mount Juliet Police Department, ’cause I’m about to send a million people your way.
FORGOTTEN TREASURES OF AMERICANA ARCHIVES
3D Doritos
3OH!3
AIM
American Gladiators
The Basilisk
The Bermuda Triangle
Braided Belts
Hasbro WWF Action Figures
Homework
Mama’s Family
Playing Outside
Quicksand
That Marilyn Manson rumor…
The Super Soaker 50
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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Image courtesy of niu niu on Unsplash!
