Strange times indeed, folks. The world is in disarray right now. We’re all quarantined in our living rooms, but for the WWE, the show must go on. We’re not going to get our annual sea of people, pyro, and confetti (…well….maybe they can still do confetti.). But, WrestleMania 36 will still go down on the WWE Network. To say this one is going to be interesting is a bit of an understatement. Let’s get to the action.
Tune into the latest episode of Checks and Championships, on which Brandon, Mose, and myself offer up our detailed thoughts on Night 1 of WrestleMania HERE:
Kickoff Show
*What the fuck was that music video with The Miz and John Morrison? Look – I’m pretty easy to please and I usually give people a break for at least trying to create some fun stuff….but that ain’t it, chiefs.
*Cesaro def. Drew Gulak – How wild is it that Cesaro and Gulak are kicking off ‘Mania weekend? This was such a hot start, too. The shots and slams were physical and impactful, but it was also a clinic in precision execution. Just a crisp, fun match tied to a bigger story. Cesaro gets the win after an airplane spin during which he completely let go of Gulak and kept spinning. I don’t understand the physics, but it’s wrestling so we don’t have to. Rating: 6.5/10.
WrestleMania 36
*Women’s Tag Team Championship: Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross def. The Kabuki Warriors – Took me a few minutes to get into this because my WWE Network did this cool thing where it kept playing the entrances on loop. Nonetheless, The Kabuki Warriors were pure gold here. The trash talk, the selling….just A+ stuff. The edits and the botched elbow drop to break up the pin attempt kinda took me out of the match a bit. But, overall, solid stuff with a big come-up for Nikki Cross, who looked like a stud in this one. Rating: 5.5/10.
*Elias def. King Corbin – Y’all, I didn’t realize that King Corbin tried to commit a legitimate murder on SmackDown. Does his villainy know no bounds? Thankfully, Elias returns from being murdered for this contest that no one on wrestling Twitter seems to care about. How do you make it interesting? You bust a fucking guitar right off the bat. You yeet someone into orbit. Not a lot of wrestling in this one – we’re just gonna throw some elbows for five minutes. Elias gets the win with a roll-up and grabbing a handful of the tights. Rating: 4/10.
*Raw Women’s Championship: Becky Lynch def. Shayna Baszler – Who said we weren’t getting special entrances for ‘Mania?!!? That’s a big fuckin’ truck Lynch drove in! This ruled from the start when both women were throwing stone cold fists at each other so hard it sounded like hail hittin’ the hood of your car. There was some gross ass violence in this one between Baszler getting slammed on the apron of the ring, and Lynch being swung head-first into the announce table. Lynch picks up the surprising win by reversing the Kirifuda Clutch into a pin attempt. Brilliant stuff, respecting the move and eventually using it against Baszler for the win. People will poo-poo it, but I thought that was *chef’s kiss.* Rating: 7/10.
*Intercontinental Championship: Sami Zayn def. Daniel Bryan – A whole hell of a lot of fun with this one, as Sami worked his shit heel shtick in beautifully. I dare say that an empty arena is more conducive to getting his shit over than a full stadium. Once Bryan got his hands on him, it was full-on ass beater mode. He was throwing his body all over the damn place. One slip-up led to a well timed Helluva Kick and that fuckboi Sami Zayn leaves WrestleMania 36 with the Intercontinental Championship….yet another *chef’s kiss*. Rating: 7/10.
*Smackdown Tag Team Championship Ladder Match: John Morrison def. Kofi Kingston and Jimmy Uso – “If you ain’t gonna go hard, why go at all?” -These three dudes (probably). Holy shit, what a match. I sat in stunned disbelief watching these guys tell a hell of a story that harked back to the memorable New Day-Usos rivalry and also sold the chaos of a ladder match. Morrison retains after all three guys held the belts atop the ladder, but Morrison held on to bring them down with him as he fell. Back-to-back-to-back *chef’s kiss.* Rating: 8/10.
*Kevin Owens def. Seth Rollins– This one was a lot of fun character storytelling shit with some good good action sprinkled around it. The match initially ended in a DQ when Rollins hit Owens with the ring bell. Brilliant selling from Rollins here…laughing about it…saying “there’s your WrestleMania moment” like the honor and integrity of having a match ‘Mania didn’t mean shit to him. What a slimy fuck! Owens calls him a coward and they restart the match under ‘No DQ’ rules. Then, they started callin’ each other bitches, and Owens creates an all-time WrestleMania moment when he launches himself from the heavens onto Rollins through the announce table. Masterful selling by Rollins here, as I thought he was legit dead. Owens gets him in the ring and stands him…Rollins is blubbering, “it doesn’t have to be like this, Kevin,” only for Owens to drop him with a stunner for the 1-2-3. Absolutely beautiful. Back-to-back-to-back-to-back *chef’s kiss.* Rating: 8.5/10.
*Universal Championship: Braun Strowman def. Goldberg – Look, this was pretty much what we all thought it was going to be. The best part of it was Goldberg’s entrance, and then the bell rang. Strowman kicks out of God knows how many spears and then hits four power slams for the win. No *chef’s kiss* for you, Bill Goldberg. Rating: 2.5/10.
*Boneyard Match: Undertaker def. AJ Styles – Oh good, we’re out in a cemetery for this one…40 seconds in and I’m hooked. Styles popping out of the casket. Taker riding in on a motorcycle. Fighting in a graveyard. Busting out car windows. Gallows and Anderson show up with about a dozen druids, and Taker just levels ’em all. Styles tackles Taker through a fucking shed. This is utter madness and I hope the Academy will consider this match when it comes time to name the field for Best Picture 2020. Styles gets Taker in the grave and starts to bury him alive but when he starts the tractor TAKER IS STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HIM. They’re suddenly on top of a barn and Taker summons some fire. This is so wild. Taker just chucks Gallows off the barn, tombstones Anderson on the roof, and then chokeslams Styles off the roof. This is pure insanity. Styles is begging for his life, but Taker boots him into the open grave, dumps the dirt on him, swipes the moss off the tombstone for it to reveal Styles’ name. What a SWERVE! What a match! Holy shit! Rating: 8/10.
Overall: 7/10 – Look – the WWE was in a tough spot here, but they still managed to deliver a fun little break from reality. Would things have been amplified with a crowd? Sure. But, outside of the Elias-Corbin match and Goldberg-Strowman, everything was above average. Not to mention, I would consider five of these matches as extraordinary. What a great night. I don’t see how you can call this show anything other than a rousing success given the circumstances.
Check in tomorrow night for my thoughts on Night 2 of WrestleMania 36.
MORE WRESTLEMANIA CONTENT
The 36 Best Matches In WrestleMania History
WrestleMania 36 Drinking Game
WrestleMania’s Hidden Gems, Volume 3
Podcast: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels Watch-along
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
Check out the SoBros Shop. Become a Patron. Give us money for no reason. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Watch on YouTube.
