Thanks to another solid episode of Dark Side of the Ring, the Brawl for All is the talk of the internet once again. The violent fuckery from the late 90s holds a “special” place in so many fans’ memories, which has us asking “what would happen if this was a thing now?” Aside from certain concussions, that is.
Using state of the art technology at SoBros HQ, I’ve simulated what I think would be the go-to bracket for the Brawl for All using the current WWE roster. Admittedly, there are some legit bad asses on this roster that aren’t on the bracket. Brock Lesnar was a hard no, along with Aleister Black. On the flip side, Matt Riddle pretty much forced his way into the tourney. Many text messages were received that simply said ‘BRO’ until he was finally admitted in.
The matchups were decided via drawing names from a cheap cowboy hat I found on the floor.
Brawl for All: Round 1
Matt Riddle vs. Dexter Lumis– Riddle comes in as the clear favorite, which shows after a short feeling-out process. It doesn’t take long for Riddle to land a couple of takedowns. After the ref stands both men up, because he has no idea what he’s doing nor what rules to follow, Riddle lands a couple of haymakers, sending Lumis to the mat for good.
Tucker vs. Oney Lorcan– This goes back and forth through the first two rounds until Oney lands some huge shots, dropping Tucker though he doesn’t get the finish. Oney by decision.
Erik vs. Killian Dain- Dain comes out throwing bombs, but Erik is patient. The Viking circles and feints his way to the third round, where he takes over. Smart boxing in the third round gets Erik the decision victory.
Zack Ryder vs. Mojo Rawley- Total fucking bloodbath. These two beat the hell out of each other for three rounds. Mojo gets cut early off a heavy right hand, but he fires right back. Neither man backs down with two pieces being handed out by both men. In what has been the closest fight so far, Ryder edges out the win via decision. The two share a hug afterwards before Gronk tries to join in. Ryder and Rawley go on to whoop Gronk’s ass and become co-24/7 champion.
King Corbin vs. Wesley Blake– Corbin talks a lot of shit but then goes on to back it up with the best sheer boxing performance of the tournament. Landing some solid jabs mixed in with a few haymakers leading to a second round TKO.
Jaxson Ryker vs. Heath Slater- In what can only be described as a huge upset on paper, Slater wins via first round KO! Ryker didn’t seem to take Heath very seriously ending with him getting caught with an ungodly right hand right on the button. Slater moves on with the entire arena going crazy.
Damian Priest vs. Shorty G- The first match that really comes down to takedowns. Priest tries to use his reach, but Shorty continuously finds the perfect time to shoot for the double and single leg. It may not be the most exciting way to win, but Shorty G gets the job done via unanimous decision.
Rezar vs. Danny Burch- Another slugfest. Rezar brings some MMA experience, which really shows in the second and third rounds. After a violent back and forth in the first minute, the two slow down a bit. The second and third rounds clearly go to Rezar, but the fight of Danny Burch impressed everyone in attendance.
Brawl for All: Round 2
Matt Riddle vs. Oney- Riddle comes out and shows his fight pedigree in this one. Oney is super tough, but Riddle quickly takes his back and submits Lorcan in the first round. Oh yeah – I guess there are submissions now.
Erik vs. Zack Ryder- Another straight up fist fight that Erik is able to get the better of. Ryder takes some damage, but dishes it all right back out. By the time we get to decision, it’s clear that the game plan of getting in, doing damage, then getting out works perfectly for Erik who takes the decision victory.
Corbin vs. Slater- Once again Corbin is talking mad shit and just winning on points through the first two rounds. With about thirty seconds remaining in the final round, Corbin starts hot dogging it leading to Slater landing a gargantuan right hand followed up by a quick left. Corbin is down! He’s able to make it back to his feet, but he’s wobbled. With time running out, Slater throws everything he has at Corbin dropping him at the buzzer. Slater by TKO to keep the cinderella dream alive!
Shorty G vs. Rezar- The big man comes out of the gate looking for a quick knockout, which actually hurts him more than anything. Shorty is patient and finally finds his in when Rezar overcommits with a flurry. Shorty is able to get a takedown and locks in a nasty arm bar on the previously injured arm of Rezar. Seconds later, it’s over as Shorty moves on via second round submission.
Brawl for All: Semis
Riddle vs. Erik- The Bro is all over Erik from the jump. Through some suffocating wrestling, Riddle heads into the third round clearly ahead. Erik fights with everything he’s got, but he’s just out gunned. Riddle moves on to the finals after a late third round leg lock submission victory.
Heath Slater vs. Shorty G- No wrestling in this one has Shorty and Heath stood the entire three rounds. With some slick in and out boxing Shorty shows off the gas tank and that he has a couple of nice punches to go with that wrestling. We go to a decision with Shorty coming out on top thanks to points. The crowd is still completely in love with Slater after the Corbin victory.
Brawl for All: Finals
Matt Riddle vs. Shorty G- Top notch wrestling here, folks. The two battle on the ground for the first two rounds with Shorty trying to steal every point he can.
With it being close heading into the final round, Riddle turns it on. He reverses out of a takedown attempt by Shorty and takes his back. Riddle fights to get the submission sunk in, but Shorty keeps the chin tucked and hand fights with everything he has.
The final bell goes off before he can get the submission victory, but Matt Riddle gets the decision and is your 2020 Brawl for All Champion.
The two men show respect to one another before a fan makes a break for the ring….wait a minute….that’s not a fan….it’s….it’s nZo! Just as he hits the ring to make a play for the microphone, he’s grabbed by Riddle and Shorty. The two wail on the Certified G before giving him a legit Doomsday Device. Shorty chokes nZo out as Riddle celebrates with his big trophy that he’ll probably turn into a bong later on in the evening.
John Mosley is the independent wrestling and TV aficionado of the SoBros Network. He graduated from ETSU with a degree in Radio, TV and Film along with a minor in Film Studies. Since graduating he’s done pretty much nothing but watch, film, edit or commentate for local wrestling promotions and is the current color commentator for Resolute Wrestling. #Preds #Titans #DefendOrVacateConor
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