Well, well, well – here we are. Another Spooky Season underway here at SoBros Network. Hard to believe that we’re already talking about which costumes we’re going to wear for the big day when it feels like only yesterday we were hearing about all of our favorite sports leagues being canceled.
There’s no doubt that Halloween is going to be hella different this year. Hopefully, people will be responsible and not do any massive partying. LMAO – who the fuck am I kidding? People aren’t going to be responsible.
Whether you’re gearing up for a festive Zoom call or you’re getting ready for the next great super-spreader event, picking a good costume is absolutely crucial to your Halloween success. You want to be funny, but you have to be original as well. You can do something cool, but it has to be REALLY COOL and realistic or else you run the risk of looking super lame. Whatever the case may be, no adult can go in a pre-purchased costume. Like, you can’t just buy something out of a bag and put it on. Immediate disqualification, in my book.
Some of my favorite costumes of mine throughout the year include Bob Mueller, Al Borland, and Kevin Owens. You get the point.
So, yeah – we’re super late…about three weeks late…on getting this article out, but give us a break. There’s a lot going on in the world today and I’m constantly feeling the pressure and heat of a thousand suns on my corpse. Let’s get to the suggestions, as contributed by Brittany Fernandez, Steven McCash, Rooster, and our buddy Worrier. THIS is the 2020 SoBros Network Halloween costume guide.
The 2020 SoBros Halloween Costume Guide
9. Hubie Halloween – I’m throwing Hubie Halloween’s name into the hat because it would be pretty simple and that movie was fun af. Plus, I’d get to buy a kickass new thermos for myself.
8. Sexy mail person that delivers negative covid tests – You would absolutely be the star of the room if you could hand out negative covid tests to people.
7. The hermit tarot card for 2020 – So, this is one Brittany submitted and truth be told (transparent journalism here), I had to look it up, and holy shit is this accurate for 2020. The costume itself would be super easy to pull off, and you’d have an interesting conversation about it with any number of the people that will be at your super spreader party because we all know you’re going to go to a super spreader party.
6. A sexy absentee ballot – I’m not sure exactly how Steven McCash envisioned this costume coming together. Personally, I think it was just to make this joke: “you have to buy the premium costume to get the hanging chad.”
5. A sexy dumpster fire – This one was submitted by our dear friend Worrier, and I think it’s a super slept-on idea. Everyone’s going to be going covid, but you could sneak in a good little dumpster fire costume in and get a rise out of people at the party. You’ll have to cut a whole in it for your penis to hang out of in order for it to be sexy, though.
4. A sexy covid molecule – I’m kind of hung up on how exactly we make this one sexy. Do you pull the Winnie the Pooh and just make a molecule shirt and then go completely bottomless? Regardless, I’m predicting that covid related costumes are going to be the most prominent of 2020.
3. Carole Baskin or Joe Exotic – It’s still not too late to capitalize on the Tiger King phenomenon. There’s no doubt that if Halloween on Broadway was still happening – ah, hell who are we kidding? Halloween on Broadway is still going to be insane – there would be a million Caroles and Joes. Gotta be one of the it costumes of 2020.
2. A ninja – How wholesome….Rooster called this the “practical covid mask option” and I couldn’t agree more.
1. Mike Pence with the fly on his head – procrastinators caught a huge break when that fly landed on Pence’s head during the Vice Presidential debate a couple of weeks ago. That’s going to be one that’s relatively easy to pull off. While everyone’s going to be going for some covid themed costume, you can sneak in with the hottest meme of the month. Good thing you waited.
Whatever you’re doing to celebrate this year, please stay safe and do your best to keep in mind that we are in a global fucking pandemic.
MORE SPOOKY SEASON 2020 CONTENT
The Best Disney Channel Original Movies For Halloween Season
Halloween (2018), Movie Review
I’m F*Cking Here For Candy Corn Wings
Movie Review Rewind: The Crazies (2010)
Patreon: My Quintessential Spooky Season Viewing Plan
Patreon: SoBros Short Fiction: Testing
Ranking the Saw Franchise
SCHEDULE ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR 31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN!!!
Shortcut, Movie Review
The SoBros as Horror Characters
Spooky Season Power Rankings: Top 10 Cryptids
Vick’s Flicks Podcast: Ranking Horror Franchises
VSE: Hubie Halloween
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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