Ah, yes – we’ve made it. Memorial Day is on deck – I hope you guys have a safe and restful three-day weekend if you’ve got it. To those of you that don’t, well, my apologies for bringing it up and rubbing it in. Nonetheless, in my book, Memorial Day is the official unofficial kickoff to the summer. It’s time to gear up for the outdoor concert series (now that that is a thing again), time to head to the zoo, Arrington Vineyards, get day drunk on patios, etc. etc.. And, of course, it’s also just about time to watch people attempt some sick jump into body of water and fail miserably. I was reminded of this time-honored Summer tradition when the following clip came across my Twitter feed.
— Next Fucking Level (@FuckingLevel) April 26, 2021
Listen, y’all…..the male ego. I’ve been there a million times – you think you are perfectly capable of doing something that your body is just simply not able to do. I don’t know if he was trying to show off in front of the two people in the water or what, but this was a severe miscalculation. We’ve all been there before, and paid the price – just….y’know, more often than not, it’s not quite as painful as what this man went through.
Here’s the thing that gets me, though – even if homeboy DID make it out into the water, that joker couldn’t have been much deeper than three feet. From that height, that’s asking for a busted ass sternum regardless of what happens. Even if he clears that rock, he’s going to smack the bottom of those shallows. It’s crazy. Pure insanity. It’s like a drug-fueled self-destructive impulse that made no sense, but just completely took over this man’s brain.
Also, it looks like he smacked his nuts up real good too, so I hope he’s had all the kids he plans on having. I think he could’ve gotten one more step in before he jumped, too. Just a total misfire on so many levels – you know it’s bad when you hit a rock, and bounce. Just remember this clip when you get carried away and think you can jump in the creek this summer.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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