I don’t know if the Detroit Lions quite knew what they were getting into when they hired Dan Campbell to serve as the team’s new head coach. I would hope so, but I can’t really say for sure. As we delve further into this offseason and prepare for training camp later this month, I’d say that Campbell remains one of the most quotable coaches in the entire NFL. It all started with a press conference at which he said the Lions were essentially going to be eating opponents’ knee caps. Now, we have this quote that Pro Football Focus shared on Friday that is just adding to the ‘WTF?’ aura that surrounds this guy.
— PFF (@PFF) July 2, 2021
I’m telling y’all – I looked this thing over a million times making sure that blue checkmark was legit. Okay, I have no idea what to think anymore – I keep going back and forth between ‘Dan Campbell is a raving lunatic‘ and ‘Dan Campbell is a genius savant.’ Does he know that grown men play in the NFL? I don’t think anyone is going to object to having to wipe their own ass. As a 35 year old man, I’m perfectly fine with that. I don’t want my boss wiping my ass. Would you? Did…..did Dan Campbell think he was going to have to wipe grown men’s asses when he took this job? Or, is this some veiled jab at the Lions players? Maybe Campbell is telling his guys not to be babies. That’s my only guess, and it’s probably most definitely the most reasonable thing to assume. But, I think the idea of a head coach in the NFL talking about wiping anyone’s ass other than his own is quite hilarious.
I loved Campbell as a position coach. He’s just the type of fiery guy you need to add a little spark to your coaching staff. The players seemed to want to play for him while he was the interim head coach for the Miami Dolphins. I’m somewhat surprised that it’s taken this long for him to get a legitimate crack at a head coaching position. And honestly, I love what he’s done in Detroit so far in reshaping the character of the team and the philosophy of building in the trenches. But, I honestly have NO clue what to expect from this team in 2021.
It feels a little to me like Campbell could end up being “the guy before the guy.” Let’s look at a situation that the Tennessee Titans were in not too long ago. Ken Whisenhunt had pretty much driven the franchise into the ground when they promoted Mike Mularkey to interim head coach. Mularkey stabilized the franchise, the players loved playing for him, but ultimately, he was a little too rigid, and I dare say outdated, to stick around long term and get the Titans to the next level. They hired Mike Vrabel, and went to the AFC Championship in his second season as head coach. I wouldn’t be surprised at all to see something similar happen with Campbell – he comes in and installs a new culture, a tougher-minded more bonded football team. But, ultimately, he just doesn’t seem like the cerebral forward-thinking type of coach that today’s NFL commands. Maybe that’s just wild speculation – but it’s my two cents on where the Lions are as a program.
There are some genius merch ideas in here, though – if SoBros Network had any clout among Lions fans, I might consider trying to throw ‘I’m not gonna wipe your butt’ on a t-shirt and see what happens. Or, even better, let’s put ‘Bitin’ kneecaps, but not wipin’ butts’ on a t-shirt. Hell, I might still try and do it, but no one in Nashville will buy one. These shirts absolutely must exist somewhere, so I’m putting it out into the universe for someone to take. If you make one, I’ll buy it. Just let me know.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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