It’s a tale as old as time. People who have no fucking clue of what they’re doing setting their entire house on fire on Thanksgiving because they just took a stab at deep-frying a turkey without the proper protocols in place. It’s become one of my favorite annual time-honored traditions – when all of the local fire departments put out their videos showing just how quickly flames can engulf an entire room, house, building, anything. With a week to go before Thanksgiving, I say it’s right on time for us to get these clips circulating yet again.
Firefighters show the dangers of deep-frying turkey pic.twitter.com/CXMvWiOZpK
— The Sun (@TheSun) November 15, 2021
You can’t convince me that this isn’t magic, and that’s honestly the scariest part of this whole thing. You can have a bucket of water. You can have a fire extinguisher on hand. Whatever – you name it, and I still think the entirety of your existence is going to go up in flames if you encounter this type of fire. It can’t be put out – that’s just an estimated guess on my part and not at all based in scientific fact. But, look at the way these fires spread! What looks scientific about it?!?!? It’s witchcraft. If you had deep fried a turkey back in the day, you’d be put on trial for sorcery. So, who in their right mind wants to tempt fate and play around with deep-frying a turkey after seeing this?!?!
I mean…I’m sure there are reasonable people out there that follow the proper protocol for doing this, and I’m sure there are trained professionals out there that know what they’re doing. But, the rest of us just need to stop getting too caught up in our own egos and put the damn turkey in the oven. Y’all don’t have to show me anything further. I will never try to deep-fry a turkey after seeing this. If I don’t know what I’m doing, you can count me out. If I don’t know what I’m doing AND there’s a solid chance that I’m going to unleash fire from the demon world that can’t be put out, then you can DEFINITELY count me out. That’s not how I want to spend my Thanksgiving…you know…in hell. So, as I’m prone to do, allow me to remind you guys to be better and be smarter this holiday season. Also, I’ll leave you guys with the absolute best edit that came out of this thing. Twitter remains undefeated:
the danger they don’t want you to see pic.twitter.com/3x2Hz9d8by
— 09.21 (@ceedamas) November 16, 2021
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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