Some of you might not know this about me, but as a credentialed member of the media, I have been granted the privilege of voting in the NFL’s highest honor, the Pro Bowl. I just want you all to know that I take this responsibility incredibly seriously. I dare say it is probably the hallmark of my writing career. I don’t know that I’ll ever do anything as important as this, to be quite honest with you guys. To quote Uncle Ben, “with great power comes great responsibility.” This is an incredibly popular game among football fans – one that rivals the Super Bowl in terms of prestige. So, it is my moral obligation as a credible football writer to do the right thing and vote without bias for each position.
For the sake of transparency, I figured I would share my ballot with you guys in case there was any controversy once the rosters were announced. I don’t want anyone pointing the finger at me and saying, “it was that damned Stoney Keeley down in Nashville that made this happen.” So, I am being very brave, no big deal, and putting this out there into the internet in the name of accountability.
Stoney Keeley’s Pro Bowl Ballot
- Quarterback: Tom Brady, Kyler Murray, Lamar Jackson, Matthew Stafford, Ryan Tannehill, and Mac Jones | Reasoning: I think these are the six best quarterbacks in the NFL right now.
- Running back: None | Reasoning: I did not vote for a running back out of protest because Derrick Henry is not on the ballot.
- Wide receiver: Nick Westbrook-Ikhine | Reason: Great blocker, catches touchdowns, special teams ace. Really complete receiver.
- Fullback: None | Reasoning: I did not vote for a fullback out of protest because Tory Carter is not on the ballot.
- Tight end: Geoff Swaim | Reasoning: Big dude. He’s the guy the Titans offense goes to to ignite a spark and get the passing game going. Therefore, probably most valuable tight end to his offense in the league.
- Tackle: Taylor Lewan, David Quessenberry | Reasoning: Quessenberry was like the highest graded something or other…one of those fake made up stats at one point this season. And, Lewan has the best tattoos of any tackle in the league.
- Guard: Rodger Saffold, Nate Davis | Reasoning: Saffold is the best dressed guard in the league, and Davis survived a concussion.
- Center: Ben Jones | Reasoning: Tremendous finger roll.
- Defensive end: Denico Autry | Reasoning: Gets sacks, is unhappy with the Colts…like me
- Defensive tackle: Jeffery Simmons | Reasoning: MVP candidate, gets sacks, flexes after plays
- Inside linebacker: David Long | Reasoning: Former Big 12 Defensive Player of the Year
- Outside linebacker: Harold Landry | Reasoning: Gets sacks, hits like a hammer, saw him at Publix once, I’m pretty sure
- Cornerback: Kristian Fulton | Reasoning: I’ll have to check my records, but I don’t believe Fulton has allowed a touchdown since 1999.
- Strong safety: Amani Hooker | Reasoning: hits real hard
- Free safety: Kevin Byard | Reasoning: MVP candidate, went to MTSU, which has also been called the “Harvard of the South” (source: me)
- Kicker: Randy Bullock | Reasoning: Automatic kicker that overcame the nickname “Fat Randy.”
- Long snapper: Morgan Cox | Reasoning: Highest graded long snapper per PFSFONFSST (Pro Football Statistical Focus on NFL Football Specifically Special Teams)
- Punter: Brett Kern | Reasoning: Big time boomin’ leg
- RS: None | Reasoning: I don’t even know what position this is. My best guess was Right Safety, but out of respect for the integrity of this process, I did not cast a vote.
- ST: None | Reasoning: I don’t even know what position this is. My best guess was Strong Tackle, but out of respect for the integrity of this process, I did not cast a vote.
I am being told by at least one anonymous source that there is some sort of online Pro Bowl voting simulator that you can access here. It allows you to make your own selections as if you are a credentialed and unbiased member of the press like me.
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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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