Tank the 401k Gambling Picks: 12/16/21

The final installment of Tank the 401k for 2021 is out!

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Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.

STAN’S PICKS

Coming Soon

STEVEN’S PICKS

Look, it’s the end of a fucking dismal season for me picking games for this column. Luckily the bets I actually wager on have resulted in better outcomes than the ones here. With that said I guarantee I’ll be the Most Improved Picker next year. Can you guess which 2 of these will actually cover?

NDSU -5
Toledo -10
Liberty -9.5
BYU -7
Jackson St. -10

STONEY’S PICKS

5-0, baby, we’re BACK! Hope you guys cashed in on last week’s picks. Let’s try to keep it rolling. As a reminder, betting the college football bowl games is infinitely more difficult than the regular season – be sure to keep up with who’s playing and who’s already focusing on the NFL, which teams actually have their coaches, and who actually looks motivated to play. Proceed with caution. This will be our last Tank the 401k column of 2021 – we might be back for the NFL playoffs, but in case we decide not to, thank you guys for sticking with us all season long. Hopefully, you’ve taken some of our picks and made a little coin. It’s been real…and it’s been fun. It’s been real fun.

Chargers +3 – I’m trying to get ahead of the Chiefs letdown here. This team has been red hot, and call it a gut feeling, but it feels like just when a team starts to look invincible, they lose one. I think the Chiefs are that team this week, as they travel to Los Angeles to play a Chargers offense that is rolling behind Justin Herbert right now.
Utah State-Oregon State, OVER 67.5 – Man, I don’t care what the haters say, I’m looking forward to the LA Bowl this year. This feels absurd because bowl season is largely predicated on who actually wants to play and that’s really hard to predict. That’s why O/Us might be the play, and both of these teams are averaging around 33 points per game. More importantly, I think this game is going to feel important to both teams and they’ll want to win it – the Aggies have a chance to cap off a Mountain West Championship season with a bowl win and 11 wins. The Beavers came out of nowhere to make some noise in the Pac-12. Jonathan Smith has this program back to respectability, and this season would be capped off perfectly with a bowl win. So, I’m expecting some points in this one.
Ravens +4.5 – The Packers -4.5 feels like easy money, and that’s where all the money is coming in right now, so it’s a huge sign that Vegas is trying to Jedi mind trick us. I’m not falling for it. I’ll take the Ravens at home to lose by three.
Broncos -2.5 – The Bengals are in the thick of the playoff hunt, but on the road against a Broncos team that I feel is being underrated in the AFC could prove too much for Joe Burrow and company. Denver is one of the few legitimate home field advantages in the NFL.
Rams -4.5 – The Rams can still sneak up on Arizona and steal the NFC West. They’ll be fighting in every game this season – be sure to keep an eye on the covid situations this week, but I’m big on the Rams defense in this match-up.

Happy holidays, everyone – enjoy some time with loved ones and some time to reflect upon the year that was! We’ll catch y’all in 2022.

SEASON STATS

Stan last week: (0-0)
Stan’s 2021 W-L: (34-29-2) – 53.9%
Steven last week: (2-3)
Steven’s 2021 W-L: (28-43-4) – 39.4%
Stoney last week: (5-0)
Stoney’s 2021 W-L: (39-36) – 52%
SoBros last week: (7-3) – 70%
SoBros 2021 W-L: (101-108-6) – 48.3%

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley