Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.
STAN’S PICKS
After a quick break, a few extra lbs on the scale, and an excessive drinking problem, I am back to feed my favorite vice, gambling.
- Dallas -4.5. After last week’s loss, they have to come out big here.
- Giants +4. The giants stink. Miami stinks. 4 is a lot for stinky football.
- Las Vegas -2.5. Hunter Renfrow.
- Oregon +3. Revenge game.
- Pittsburgh -3. Clemson not in the ACC Championship hurts.
Steven’s Picks
The king of 2-3 is back, baby! Don’t be jealous because you can’t match my mediocrity. Let’s be honest, I wish my bets were good enough to be considered mediocre. Here’s my five picks and I’ll let you decide which 2 will hit.
- Cowboys -6 – I’m a massive Saints fan but will always bet against Taysom Hill.
- App St. -3 – Billy Napier is in Gainesville, so App St will win the Sun Belt Championship.
- Georgia -6.5 – Bulldogs minus a million.
- Cincy/Houston O53 – Bearcats have come so far and there’s no room for error.
- Rams -13
Stoney’s Picks
I don’t even fucking care about this shit anymore. My life is in shambles because of this column. *chugs wine*
- Oklahoma State -4.5 – The Cowboys have come too far to come up short in this one. That senior defense still has this team in the hunt for the College Football Playoff. I think they’ll win big in the Big 12 Championship.
- Georgia -6.5 – Here we go. I’m jinxing the Bulldogs. Roll Tide.
- Michigan-Iowa, OVER 43.5 – I’m not falling for any under with Michigan ever again this season. I cannot be tricked any longer.
- Pitt-Wake Forest, OVER 71.5 – If you’re asking for my official prediction, this one ends 77-70.
- Bengals -3 – They’re rolling. The Chargers aren’t. *chugs more wine*
SEASON STATS
- Stan last week: (2-3)
- Stan’s 2021 W-L: (32-26-2) – 55.2%
- Steven last week: (2-3)
- Steven’s 2021 W-L: (23-38-4) – 37.7%
- Stoney last week: (1-4)
- Stoney’s 2021 W-L: (33-32) – 50.7%
- SoBros last week: (3-7) – 30%
- SoBros 2021 W-L: (88-96-6) – 47.8%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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