Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…
Question:
Did you know that giraffes and humans have the same number of cervical vertebrae?
— Sox, kid (@trtidwell) December 9, 2021
Answer:
I did not know that, but this is the beautiful thing about the SoBros Mailbag. Every now and then, we learn something new. I had to look this up, and lo and behold, it’s true.
Courtesy of Ecology & Evolution:
Nearly all mammals have the same number of cervical vertebrae no matter how long or short their necks are – humans, giraffes, mice, whales, and platypuses all have exactly seven cervical vertebrae. There are only three exceptions to this rule out of over a thousand genera of mammals – manatees (which usually have six) and both types of living sloths (two-toed sloths usually have six, three toed sloths nine).
The more you know.
Question:
If you had to go hunting but couldn’t take conventional hunting weapons (gun, bow & arrow, etc.) what’re you using?
— Frighteousjesse (@RighteousJesse) December 10, 2021
Answer:
Big brain answer here, but I’m going to take binding supplies so I can MAKE weapons in the wild – we’re talkin’ glue, wire, and duct tape. I’ll find some sick ass rocks and sticks, bind it all together, next thing you know – boom, I’ve got an axe that I can bury in the face of whatever creature I need to eat to survive.
Question:
If you were seasoning, what kind of seasoning would you be?
— b. (@brittbutspooky) December 10, 2021
Answer:
It would undoubtedly be Old Bay, and I think that’s why I love it so much. Old Bay and I have a bond. I can relate to Old Bay. It is complex, a flavor all its own, and bold. It goes well with anything, and of all the seasonings, it also strikes me as really laid back. I love Old Bay, and I strive to live my life like it.
Question:
What are the official Top 5 @SoBrosNetwork Christmas Songs of 2021?
— QuickSixerPodcast (@QuickSixerCast) December 10, 2021
Answer:
I’m not going to lie, Pat. I didn’t even know they still made new Christmas songs. I still listen to the same old shit from the 1940s every year. But, it sounds like our guy Steven was at the ready with his, so I’ll let him answer this one on my behalf.
I feel I need to add my 5 cents
— Steven McCash (@MC_Cash75) December 10, 2021
Christmas In New York- Jose James
Christmas Don’t Be Late- Norah Jones
Christmas really will be Christmas- Black Pumas
Little Things- ABBA
It’s Christmas Motherfuckers- Logan Lynn https://t.co/TSN5FULtb4
Question:
Christmas season has begun. What’s your take on White Elephant?
— Patrick Criswell (@PatCrizzy) December 10, 2021
Answer:
I’m on board with it. Not only can it be good solid fun, but it really takes the pressure of trying to find a really good gift for a co-worker or someone you hardly know completely away. You just have to know your audience, y’know? You can’t be the guy that brings the vibrator to company White Elephant party.
Question, from Adam on Facebook:
Long time reader, first time poster…
Why you so pretty?
Answer:
First and foremost, thank you for writing in, Adam, and thank you for noticing. These good looks take a lot of effort – namely, at least two cups of coffee every morning, stress-eat an entire bag of chicken tenders, then go to Panda Express, and cap the day off by staying up until 1AM and sleeping for five hours a night. That’s the ‘Body by Stoney’ program. Your hair will be turning gray and your beard will be looking homeless in no time. This diet and lifestyle is the quickest way to achieve the coveted dadbod.
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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