Some of the absolute best actresses working today assemble for a high-stakes espionage thriller that puts women in charge of a genre that’s been surpassingly retained by tough guys since it came into existence. However, there’s just one problem…The 355 is abashedly bland, lazy, and entirely forgettable. What in the hell was co-writer/director Simon Kinberg thinking to allow himself to fiddle away so much talent and the possibilities that came with it?! Then again, he’s the same one who directed X-Men: Dark Phoenix. So maybe we should have seen this coming. It’s not crazy to think that if a different director, let’s say, a female one, was at the helm that we could have gotten a more intriguing and worthwhile globe-trotting super spy flick. Given the whole theme of female empowerment – it just feels like an obvious choice, but I guess not.
Jessica Chastain (who also is a producer on this) stars as Mason ‘Mace’ Browne, a CIA agent who is brought along by her partner Nick (Sebastian Stan) to Paris to retrieve a devastatingly dangerous drive that can’t wind up in the wrong hands. Spoiler Alert: Their plan goes to shit with Mace finding herself on the outs in her own organization, forcing her to turn to other international agents to finish the job. Khadijah (Lupita Nyong’o) used to be a part of MI6, she’s the clever techie type, and there’s also Marie (Diane Kruger), a loose-cannon BND operative who might have ruined Mace’s mission in the City of Light. Bingbing Fan plays Lin Mi Sheng, a Chinese MSS spy who’s a little late to the party. Though, out of the entire group, Graciela (Penélope Cruz) is the one who isn’t quite cut out for the ass kicking that must be done. She’s a Colombian DNI psychologist who helps her fellow agents with their troubles, so her field is a bit different than the rest of them. But having a common enemy seems to always bring about an unsuspecting alliance.
The 355 has some truly lethal ladies who can deliver the pain, but it’s sadly going down in action sequences that are very unimpressive. That’s typically a bad sign when the movie you’re watching is an actioner. Unbeknownst to everyone involved, the real fight is with Kinberg and Theresa Rebeck‘s stale screenplay, and it’s a losing one to say the least. Additionally, the twists and turns won’t surprise anyone, you will spot them from more than a mile away. Considering the incredible ensemble who signed up for this – it’s downright disappointing in how everything turns out.
Brandon Vick is a member of The Music City Film Critics’ Association, the resident film critic of the SoBros Network, and the star of The Vick’s Flicks Podcast. Follow him on Twitter @SirBrandonV and be sure to search #VicksFlicks for all of his latest movie reviews.
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