I love a good prank. No doubt about it. I don’t pull enough pranks anymore, namely because I’m 35 years old, and that means all of my social circle is old enough that any unexpected moves could cause them, or me, to have a heart attack and/or shit our pants. But, that doesn’t mean that I can’t appreciate a good old fashioned bag over the head every once in awhile. That happened to this pastor, who woke up one morning to find a massive K-Mart sign…like the ones they used to hang on the front of the damn buildings….erected in his front lawn.
“I don’t know who to call, cuz I don’t know who put it up,” Pastor Knight said. “So I am kind of making a general announcement: the people who are responsible for this, you’re welcome to remove it anytime. My wife hopes it’s gone by June, I think.”
There are a ton of questions – like….why K-Mart? Why this pastor? Why are the two linked? How on Earth do you just sneak something that big onto someone’s property and set it up in their own front yard without them even knowing? It definitely feels like this is something that could’ve been avoided or caught pretty early on in the process. It might be time to beef up the home security, unless *plot twist* the pastor was in on it to raise the profile of his house and/or K-Mart.
I don’t know about that quote though, boss. I think I’d be leaning into this a bit instead of asking for whoever did it to come take it down. I think I might try to turn my house into a K-Mart if this happened to me…if for no other reason than to bring back the good old days.
Also, man, this news makes me miss K-Mart. I loved going to K-Marts as a kid – they were every bit the shit show that Wal-Mart was, but way quieter and infinitely less crowded. Some might call that sad, but I say nay. I loved foraging through the toys – K-Mart always had some sick wrestling figures in their exclusive Livewire series – and not having to worry about a mass of people around every turn. Looking back, that probably says a lot about the how and why behind K-Mart’s demise, but that’s neither here nor there. Also, they absolutely had the best in-store café – Icees and hot dogs that hit like nobody’s business. Man, I wish I could turn my house into a K-Mart now. I wish someone would play this prank on me.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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