Tank the 401k Gambling Picks: 8/26/22

Folks, there is college football to lose money on tomorrow.

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Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.

Steven’s Picks

Here we go…. In my first year participating in Tank the 401k I hit at the rate of a Hall of Fame baseball player, but batting .400 in Vegas is not putting money in anyone’s bank account. Being the degenerate gambler that I am, it is time to batten down the hatches and get serious about turning things around this season. With that said, there is not a lot to get excited about in this lead-up to the full start of college football season, but that has never stopped me before. I have three games that have caught my eye that I’m going to put a little faith in.

Hawaii +9- I fully believe Vanderbilt will hit my season total bet of over 2.5 games won and I think they will win here but there is no way I believe they beat anyone by double digits this year.

Nevada -8.5- The Wolf Pack is under a complete overhaul under first-year head coach Ken Wilson but Nevada brought in more talented pieces than New Mexico State did and should be able to easily handle the Aggies who are coming off a 2-10 season.

Charlotte/Florida Atlantic First Half Under 30.5- Both teams were notoriously slow starters last year and not much should change to start the season. I really like the over 60 total but feel that most points will come in the second half of this one.

Stoney’s Picks

Am I a disgusting piece of trash for actually breaking down some of the action in college football’s Week 0? Maybe. But, it’s been close to eight months since we’ve had real college football! It’s time to allow the degenerate gambler that lives within me to come out and wreak havoc upon my bank account. And besides, there are actually a few games I like that I’m going to be keeping an eye on (as I’m wandering around the park participating in Pokemon Go Fest). So, let’s dust it off for one more season of Tank the 401k (in case you were wondering, I went 5-0 to finish 2021 at 52%. That’s a win, baby!)!

Nebraska -11.5 – There’s just too much swinging in favor of the Cornhuskers here. I think they’re going to be highly motivated to produce in 2022, they have arguably the most talent in their division, and it’s all on Scott Frost to put it together or else he may be out in Lincoln. There has to be a sense of urgency after a season in which Nebraska was the best three-win team in college football history. This game taking place in Ireland seems like a neutralizer, but with what Northwestern has on offense, I think the talent will win out and Nebraska will end up running away with this one in the second half.

Illinois -13.5 – Bret Bielema got more mileage out of his defense in 2021 than I thought he would’ve. It seems his identity is translating well, and they were a tough out because of it. They’ll be at home against Wyoming tomorrow, and I expect them to simply wear them down and run all over them. I’d take the Illini by a million in this one.

Vanderbilt -8.5 – At a certain point, pride has to come into play, doesn’t it? You can only lose so much before you have to bow up, right? I’m sure the ‘Dores have heard all of the jokes about this being a trap game. I’m sure they’ve seen that people don’t think they’ll win three games this season. I’m going with my gut here – enough is enough. Mike Wright is going to go out there and hang four tuddies on the Warriors – two passing, two rushing. LFG.

North Texas -1.5 – UTEP was a surprise bowl team in 2021, and these two teams played a tight one in Denton. With Seth Littrell knowing his job is on the line this season, and the Mean Green having a veteran offensive line and solid run game, I expect they’ll attempt to control the line of scrimmage, pound the ball, and get off to a much better start than they did in 2021.

SEASON STATS

Steven last week: (0-0)
Steven’s 2021 W-L: (28-43-4) – 39.4%
Stoney last week: (0-0)
Stoney’s 2021 W-L: (39-36) – 52%
SoBros last week: (0-0) – 0%
SoBros 2021 W-L: (101-108-6) – 48.3%

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley