Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.
STEVEN’S PICKS
“It’s officially week 1 of the college football season and it’s time for this degenerate to go all-in. I’ve got a big trip to Disney World and Universal Studios for Halloween Horror Nights at the end of the month and really need to send Mickey & Co. some money so let’s go get some green. There’s a great crop of games in week 1 and I’ve got a good feeling I’m getting off to a good start with picks.” –Steven McCash
- Arkansas -6.5
- Houston -4
- Ole Miss -21.5
- LSU -3
- Clemson -22
Stoney’s Picks
I got things off to a hot start this season with a 3-1 week last week. Not to be a sore winner, but it really should’ve been 4-0…instead, Scott Frost decided to go for an onside kick up 11 points and Nebraska shit the bed. I’m over it, though. I promise. We’re on to this week, where the season starts *for real*, and buddy, there’s a sick slate of games on deck for us. Let’s get down to it.
- Purdue +3.5 – I like the Boilermakers this year, and I’m down on Penn State. It’s at Purdue in primetime tonight, so I expect this to be a statement game.
- Arkansas -6.5 – I’m echoing McCash’s pick here because it’s the easiest money you’ll make all season. Cincinnati has lost so much talent, and I’m high on the Razorbacks. I think they’ll be up by 10 for the entire duration of this game, and it may end 10-0.
- NC State -11.5 – The playoff run for the Wolfpack begins at East Carolina.
- Utah -2.5 – Okay, I’m actually nervous about this one because it’s in Florida, but I think the Gators are going to stink, and the Utes are a playoff team. That campaign has to start in Gainesville.
- BYU -11.5 – BYU is going to surprise some people this season. South Florida stinks – I don’t care if they’re at home.
SEASON STATS
- Steven last week: (1-2)
- Steven’s 2021 W-L: (1-2) – 33.3%
- Stoney last week: (3-1)
- Stoney’s 2022 W-L: (3-1) – 75%
- SoBros last week: (4-3) – 57.1%
- SoBros 2022 W-L: (4-3) – 57.1%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
Check out the SoBros Shop. Become a Patron. Give us money for no reason. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Watch on YouTube.
