Tank the 401k Gambling Picks: 9/29/22

This week's American tackle football picks are out!

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Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.

STEVEN’S PICKS

Sitting here in my hotel room at Disney’s All-Star Music Resort looking at the damage from Hurricane Ian thinking about how lucky I am to be safe and sound from the storm. It then hits me while I’m looking out the window at all of the fallen tree limbs and the standing water that it’s ILLEGAL to bet online in Florida. How am I suppose to be the degenerate gambler that I am if I can’t place my bets? Happiest Place On Earth is a damn lie!

Dallas -3
Bills/Ravens o51
Texas A&M +3.5
Georgia -28
Baylor/Ok St o56.5

STONEY’S PICKS

Tough scene for the boys last week. I have nothing to say for myself – it should’ve been another winning week, but fucking Billy Napier had to get those Gators to pull within the -10.5-point spread when the Vols were up 11. Gotta shake the bad beats and keep it rolling. Let’s look ahead to this week.

Dolphins +3.5 – Thursday Night Football has NOT been kind to me (I’m 0-2 on TNF bets so far this season). But, way too many people are backing the Bengals here because of the questions surrounding Tua’s availability and the short week. But, we’re losing sight of the Mike McDaniel factor, and I still don’t think the Bengals are very good. Eli Apple is going to get lit up again tonight.
MTSU +4.5 – No one’s giving the Blue Raiders a chance in this spot, and I get it. The market is flooding books with bets on UTSA at -4.5. It’s too easy to take. We remember the dominant UTSA team from a season ago, see how they’ve played good teams this season, see how the Blue Raiders lost to James Madison, and we hit up the bookie backing the Roadrunners as much as we can. But, the Blue Raiders are going to retire Kevin Byard’s jersey tomorrow night. They have a real shot in C-USA right now. I think they’ll be up for this game. Confidence should be at an all time high after they knocked off Miami hitting big play after big play. They’re a home dog? I don’t know – just spells ‘upset’ to me.
Washington -2.5 – The Huskies are rolling right now, slinging it all over the yard. I like the Michael Penix Jr. factor over UCLA in a massive Pac-12 game on Saturday night.
Alabama-Arkansas, UNDER 61.5 – If you can still get this at 61.5, I think the under is the safer play here. Alabama is allowing 7.3 points per game. Arkansas hasn’t exactly lit up scoreboards in the last couple of weeks. Maybe they’ll be up for this one with their playoff hopes on the brink after losing to Texas A&M, and they’re certainly capable of challenging Alabama, but I think points are going to be hard to come by for the Razorbacks.
Texans +5 – The Texans keep covering for me. I think there are some major cracks in the Chargers, and seeing how people are riding Los Angeles in this one has me leaning “Houston covers” again.

SEASON STATS

Steven last week: (1-4)
Steven’s 2021 W-L: (9-14) – 39.1%
Stoney last week: (2-3)
Stoney’s 2022 W-L: (14-10) – 58.3%
SoBros last week: (3-7) – 30%
SoBros 2022 W-L: (23-24) – 48.9%

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley