Tank the 401k Gambling Picks: 9/8/22

Call that bookie! Steven and Stoney's weekly gambling picks are here!

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Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.

STEVEN’S PICKS

UT -0.5 1st quarter
Bama -20
Memphis -5.5
New Orleans -5.5
Jacksonville +2.5

STONEY’S PICKS

Not an ideal Week 1, but I could’ve just as easily been 5-0 as 2-3…not that I’m bitter or anything but fuck Purdue and fuck Utah…anyway, it’s still early, and all we can do is learn and adapt. That’s what we’re doing here today, baby! LFG!

Tennessee -6.5 @ Pitt – If you can still get ’em at this price, I like ’em. If it goes up to -7, I’m hesitant. I think this could be a 7-point victory for the Vols. This is going to be a shootout, but I think given how Pitt was unable to run the ball against West Virginia, they’ll be a little more predictable on offense throwing the ball, and the Vols will be itching for a decisive takeaway or two.
Arkansas -8.5 vs. South Carolina – I’m going to keep the hog train rolling (that’s what she said). South Carolina didn’t look great. They’ve been a little overvalued all season long. I think this is what the Razorbacks are going to be this year – a steady quarterback that punches you in the mouth and doesn’t let up. If they get a big lead, they’re just going to sit on it. I think they’ll do that this weekend.
Kentucky @ Florida, UNDER 52.5 – Outside of Anthony Richardson, that Gators offense looked a little sluggish. Meanwhile, Kentucky struggled to pull away from Miami (OH). I think these are two offenses that are still trying to find their way, so I expect a 21-17 type of defensive slugfest.
Oregon State PICK @ Fresno State – This game is a sneaky good one this weekend – the Beavers quietly beat up on Boise State last weekend, and could surprise in the Pac-12. Fresno State has eyes on a major run in the Mountain West, but I like Oregon State to pound the ball en route to victory. 150+ rushing yards, I’m calling it!
Rams +2.5 vs. Bills – Gotta have a little something on the line for tonight’s action in honor of the NFL season kicking off. I think the Bills are going to be good, but folks are underselling the questions around this team big time. This game is built for the defending champs, and I think they remind people of why they earned that Lombardi. Stafford, Kupp, and Robinson torch the Bills secondary and win this one outright. I also like the Texans +7.5 vs. the Colts, but don’t have the balls to make it an official pick….

SEASON STATS

Steven last week: (2-3)
Steven’s 2021 W-L: (3-5) – 37.5%
Stoney last week: (2-3)
Stoney’s 2022 W-L: (5-4) – 55.5%
SoBros last week: (4-6) – 40%
SoBros 2022 W-L: (8-9) – 47%

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley