Revenge is a dish best served still alive. That’s right – the coldest revenge you can possibly get is to eat someone or something while it’s still alive. Nothing they can do about it – just total domination Hannibal Lecter style. Imagine being eaten by something! Do you know how embarrassed I would be? Well, that’s exactly what the man in this story tapped into to get revenge upon a crab that pinched his daughter. He decided he was going to get back at this crab by eating it and showing it who’s boss.
He picked up the crab and swallowed it whole while it was still alive. Mr Lu went to the hospital with severe back pain two months after the incident after which the doctors examined him and began treatment.
He SWALLOWED IT WHOLE!?!? What the fuck is that going to do to your digestive tract?! I mean, shit, that thing’s going to be pinching and poking all the way down, right?! That’s hard as fuck. Remind me to never fuck with this man! I can’t imagine the mindset you have to be in to think “yeah, I’m going to swallow this live crab whole!” Also, he did that and waited TWO MONTHS before going to the doctor! I would think that’d be one helluva tummy ache. I think I would’ve immediately regretted that decision and gone straight to the hospital.
Maybe he was embarrassed because the story goes on to say that he wasn’t exactly up front with the doctors once he got there. They had to kinda work it out of him before he was finally like “yeah, actually…now that I think about it, I swallowed a live crab whole two months ago.” But, this thing might’ve gotten the last laugh because he totally had a variety of parasites living in his body. How’s he going to get revenge for THAT? Find a necromancer to resurrect the crab and then swallow it whole again? I can be as petty as they come. I can hold a damn grudge. And, I have nothing but respect for this man’s desire for revenge and his execution of it. But, you have to protect yourself too. Was it all worth it? I don’t know – something tells me this guy might say “hell yeah.” The human brain, man. “That crab pinched my daughter, so I must eat it.” I love this story so fucking much.
Also, I didn’t have any photos of crabs lying around, so I just reused the one from that clip that went viral where the crabs got out on the luggage carousel and started causing havoc. Y’know…just for old time’s sake.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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