Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.
STEVEN’S PICKS
It appears the answer to successfully predicting football games for Tank the 401k is to just let your pointy finger lead you to the promised land. After going 4-1 last week I am going to continue to ride the gravy train that is my index finger. No thoughts, no theories just straight forward finger pointing. Here we go…
- Kentucky -1
- Michigan -26.5
- Philadelphia -13.5
- Green Bay -3.5
- New Orleans +2.5
STONEY’S PICKS
A 70% week for your boys! You love to see it! Cash those tickets, baby! Louisville really surprised me a week ago, and I got burned going the wrong way between ECU and BYU (though I’d argue that was pretty close to a cashed ticket). But, I loved the matchup problems UNC presented to Pitt, I nailed the Illinois-Nebraska under, and it took a little bit of luck, but we got that over in the Bucs-Ravens game. All in all, my third straight winning week. So, what do I do for an encore? Get back to work – let’s dig in!
- Oregon State +4.5 – It’s a big time Pac-12 showdown between two offenses that are rolling. The key to this game, to me, is the Beavers ball control capability. They can run the ball, and their defensive front is good. That travels. So, even on the road, I think they’ll be able to pound the Huskies, and part of defending against Michael Penix, Jr. is keeping him off of the field. This one could come down to a few key stops, and I trust the Beavs a lot more than the Huskies on defense.
- Tennessee +8.5 – This may be the most thrilling number on the board this week. You start breaking things down at a granular level, and it really feels like this one could go either way. But, you know what that tells me? It’s probably going to be a close one. While I don’t know that I’m confident to pick the Vols to win it outright, I do feel good about their chances to stay within 8, and that’s a win on this one, baby! The Bulldogs defense hasn’t really been tested by an offense like Tennessee’s all year, and Kirby Smart rotates dudes in a system that is a lot like what he ran at Alabama. I think the Vols will be able to move the ball on this defense – it’s just a matter of whether or not they can punch in touchdowns and stay in the zone in a hostile environment. I don’t think Georgia has the firepower to keep up if it turns into a shootout, so this game may be won or lost in the first quarter depending on if the Vols are able to jump up early as they’re prone to do, or if Georgia keeps them out of the end zone.
- Florida State -7.5 – Name your spread for this one and I’m taking the Seminoles. Miami is beat up. They’ve underachieved anyway. Florida State has the match-ups in this one. It should be a pretty comfortable win, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a blowout either.
- Louisville -7.5 – I know a lot of sharp folks are calling this a potential trap game for the Cardinals, and my feelings on this are somewhat impacted by the status of quarterback Todd Centeio, but I think even if Centeio is good to go, we’re undervaluing the Cardinals here. They’re coming off of three convincing wins, most recently including a stomping of ranked Wake Forest. Folks are pointing out that they flukily had eight takeaways in that game, and yeah, that’s pretty odd….but will they need eight takeaways to beat James Madison? I like the Dukes, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that the way Louisville is playing right now…they’re probably the best team JMU has faced all season, and the game is in Louisville. My take on this one: go Cards…don’t take the bait…don’t overthink it.
- Seahawks +2 – Anything can happen in the NFL. I get it – but man…look at the direction each of these teams are heading right now. The Cardinals are sloppy on offense. They appear dysfunctional. I don’t know what Kyler Murray is doing half the time he’s out there. On the other side, Geno Smith and Kenneth Walker III are leading an explosive, efficient offense as one of the surprise teams of the year. I’m going with these trends in this one. Not only do I think the Seahawks cover, I think they win this one out right.
SEASON STATS
- Steven last week: (4-1)
- Steven’s 2021 W-L: (22-26) – 45.8%
- Stoney last week: (3-2)
- Stoney’s 2022 W-L: (23-25-1) – 47.9%
- SoBros last week: (7-3) – 70%
- SoBros 2022 W-L: (45-51-1) – 46.8%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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