Tank the 401k Gambling Picks: 12/1/22

Alright, it's time for some gamblin' talk!

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Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.

Steven’s Picks

Limping in to Championship Week and I’m feeling like anything but a champion. My middle pointy finger is on the fritz so I’m relying on hunches to see me to the winner’s window.

  • USC -2.5 Revenge is a big factor in a number of championship games. The Trojans are one game away from the playoffs and their only blemish on the year is their week 7 loss to Utah. Caleb Williams and company will be dialed in and ready to exercise their demon on their way to a potential National Championship.
  • Kansas St. +2.5 TCU has been this year’s Cinderella, and every time it appeared the clock was going to strike midnight, the Horned Frogs were able to kiss their way into another victory. The Wildcats lost by 10 to TCU earlier this year so they are looking to ruin the perfect season of the Horned Frogs and crown themselves the King of the Ball.
  • Bills -3.5 It has been a bumpy ride for the Buffalo Bills the last few weeks as they were forced to evacuate upstate New York because of a snow storm. The Bills set up shop in Detroit where they defeated the Browns and Lions in back to back weeks, basically silencing all critics after they lost two straight. The days of fearing the New England Patriots are long gone and the Bills make easy work of the Pats.
  • Texans +7 Hey Titans fans, this is what a real revenge game looks like. Deshaun Watson is eligible to play after serving his suspension to start the year. I imagine many Houston players are not fans of the spotlight being centered around their former QB as he makes his debut against his former team. If there was ever a game this season for the Texans to put everything they have into, it would be this one.
  • USA +160 Warm up the Dutch ovens because the Red, White and Blue are ready to cook up the Netherlands in this World Cup matchup on Saturday. USA, USA, USA!

Stoney’s Picks

Great output from your boy the last time we touched base here on Tank the 401k. I am stoked about this weekend’s action. To be different, I didn’t make them actual selections of mine, but I’m with McCash on USC and Kansas State. The difference in the Pac-12 Championship that the national media doesn’t seem to be talking about is how well the Trojans have been running the ball as of late. I think they’re going to be motivated, and they’re going to ram it down Utah’s throat. I also love the match-ups for the Wildcats, but I’m done betting against TCU. Fuck that – I’ve lost enough money going against the Horned Frogs. Anyway, here’s my slate for the weekend.

  • Troy -8.5 – Grayson McCall or not, this Trojans defense is no joke, and I think they finish the job. They could win this game 17-6 and cover.
  • Boise State -3.5 – Man, I’m nervous about this one because of how much some folks love Fresno State in this one. Admittedly, they’re red hot and they’ve got their NFL-caliber quarterback Jake Haener back. But, this game being in Boise where there’s a chance for some cold ass rain, and with the Broncos rushing the ball effectively and playing great defense, I’m going with the team that I believe is truly the best in the Mountain West.
  • Tulane -3.5 – I’m leaning into McCash’s theory about revenge this weekend. The Green Wave can score on anyone, and they’ll be looking to win their first American Championship and get to the Cotton Bowl. This is going to be an entertaining game, and the big question is going to be whether or not UCF can replicate the success they had when they beat the Green Wave earlier this season. The further removed from that game we are, the more fluky it feels to post those kinds of numbers against this Tulane defense. I don’t think they do it twice.
  • Titans @ Eagles, OVER 44.5 – I think these two offenses are built to exploit their opponent’s weaknesses. The Titans should be able to run the ball and thus execute their offense. The Eagles should be able to hit some deep plays in this one. I could see the outcome flipping in favor of either team, but I think this game could supply a surprising amount of fireworks.
  • Bengals +2.5 – Props to Lou Anarumo and the Bengals defense for their performance against the Titans on Sunday. I’m going to engage in a bit of voodoo on this pick – it’s a gut feeling, but watching the Bengals play on Sunday, it reminded me a lot of how the Titans play defense. The Bengals are way more physical than they’re given credit for. They’ll be able to execute a similar effort against Kansas City as the Titans did a month ago. The differences are that the Chiefs won’t have home field advantage, and the Bengals certainly won’t have a limited playbook starting a rookie third round draft pick at quarterback. I like them in an upset here as they continue to get hot.

SEASON STATS

  • Steven last week: (0-5)
  • Steven’s 2021 W-L: (28-35) – 44.4%
  • Stoney last week: (4-1)
  • Stoney’s 2022 W-L: (32-31-1) – 50.8%
  • SoBros last week: (4-6) – 40%
  • SoBros 2022 W-L: (60-66-1) – 47.6%

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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