If you have ever desperately wanted to have a spoonful of olive oil in your coffee, fret not – the fine folks at Starbucks are alleviating that need for you. That’s right – according to this awesome Business Insider piece, Starbucks is going to start selling olive-oil-infused coffee, and the drinks should hit the United States here this spring. I, for one, am….okay, you got me. I actually have no idea how I feel about this concept, but folks, let’s try and work this out here on Al Gore’s internet.
I guess this whole thing started because the CEO of Starbucks went to Italy and discovered that people drink spoonfuls of olive oil every day. First I’ve heard of it, but I’m not hating. Olive oil rules, and apparently it has some nice restorative properties that might help you live longer. Full disclosure: I don’t know that for sure and it could just be some sort of witchcraft. Nonetheless, I can definitely see how getting stuff into coffee is an easy way to increase intake. I drink two cups every morning. I am the reason they invented “don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee” memes. You can put literal crack cocaine into coffee and damn sure bet I’ll have at least two helpings of crack cocaine every single morning. So, the folks making olive oil have to be stoked about this. Olive oil consumption is about to go through the roof.
On one hand, this is probably a cautionary tale about absolute power. Maybe not every little thing the CEO of Starbucks enjoys should be put into coffee. Can you imagine? “I liked having a spoonful of olive oil with my coffee while in Italy, so now we are going to start putting olive oil in coffee at my coffee company.” I can absolutely respect the conviction, but I would hope that someone stood up and at least told him this is a little weird and it’s probably going to gross some people out. The CEO of Starbucks is probably pointing to shit like this and saying, “see! we got all the blogs writing about us” though. Regardless, where does it stop? This is the quintessential practice of saying you’re going to move to wherever you’re vacationing to. You’re getting swept up in the moment, and the next thing you know, you’ve invested heavily in olive oil. But, what’s next? I hope he never enjoys kale in Barcelona. I’ll say that.
On the other hand, Starbucks has absolutely brainwashed me to the point that I’m actually kind of excited to try this. I’ve rarely had a bad drink at a Starbucks, and if I have, it’s because the teenager making my coffee forgot to put my cream in it, so that’s not on the brand. That’s just on that kid who got my order wrong. I drank that matcha shit they serve that I’m pretty sure is just grass, dirt, and cardamom thrown in a food processor with water poured over it. Starbucks could probably sell me Bigfoot’s piss in a cup and I’d drink it. So, who’s to say what olive oil coffee will become? It could be the next big thing, and I’ll be butt chugging it by the gallon come May.
I know there are healthy properties to olive oil, but I never would’ve thought to drop a tablespoon of it down my gullet every day the same way an apple a day keeps the doctor away. This is either innovation at its finest, or it’s absolutely disgusting. I can’t help but respect that.
Editor’s Note: Yes, this featured image is just a photo of one of my Starbucks mugs, but it’s mine and no one can sue me for it, so there.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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