I’m way behind on all of my NBA news. I know the Memphis Grizzlies are pretty good this year, but Ja Morant is out there waving guns around at night clubs or something. That’s it – that’s the extent of my knowledge of the goings-on in the league today. I’m a football writer! I’ve been getting ready for the damn draft. So, forgive me for not realizing that the Los Angeles Clippers were building a shiny new arena. I had no idea, but that thing looks sick. Also, Clippers owner Steve Ballmer is jacked out of his got damn gourd about having so many toilets in the new dome.
Clippers Owner Steve Ballmer is really EXCITED about the toilets for his new arena.
— theScore (@theScore) March 8, 2023
( : @BenGolliver)pic.twitter.com/fMgfIttwnd
TOILETS! Man, say it with your fucking chest! How pumped is he about all these toilets!!?! THREE TIMES the NBA average! This man said “fuck your no toilet havin’ asses – WE GOT 1,160 OF ‘EM!” Apparently, this is a running bit with him (I don’t actually know that it’s a bit, but it has to be a bit, right?). He’s been talking about the toilets for awhile now. Is this the measure of a fancy new NBA arena these days? Is the bar we’re setting based off of the number of toilets in an arena? I’m genuinely asking because I don’t know how to explain such enthusiasm. I respect it. I dare say I even treasure it. But, I just don’t understand it right now.
Could it be that this is a byproduct of necessity? How much are people shitting at Clippers games that the number of toilets in the arena has become a priority? They’re looking around like Bob Saget in the bathroom scene from Dumb and Dumberer…there’s just shit everywhere. Maybe this is why the Lakers kicked them out – they’re like “damn, we keep showing up after Clippers games, and there’s just doo-doo all over the floors ’cause people can’t get through the bathroom lines quick enough.” Clippers games are miserable and their fans are nearing a dystopian collapse. Alas! Steve Ballmer is here to fix everything with THREE TIMES the average number of toilets in an NBA arena!
Real talk, though – find something to be as passionate about as Steve Ballmer is TOILETS. That’s the key to a long and fulfilling life, folks.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
Subscribe to the SoBros Network Patreon here – $5/month gets you instant access to an exhaustive content library of articles, podcasts, and videos created exclusively for our subscribers!