It does feel awfully pessimistic and melancholy to sit here with our bellies full,
the smoke from our pipes creating a familiar and comforting musk in the air,
and a glass of 18-year old scotch in our hands…
…full of zeal….of gratitude
…exhausted and yet, we’re pondering the veil between life and death, and how complicated things can become with age.
My friend, our very existence is bittersweet. Contradictory.
We feel deep pain.
We’re overcome with joy.
Sometimes, it’s all in a day’s work.
There’s no use in getting nihilistic about it all.
You tell me not to feel so bad.
You tell me we’re not truly ungrateful, nor are we forsaking the good for the bad.
That recognizing both ends of the spectrum and the dance we do in between is the mark of a life well-lived.
We’ve felt it all at this age.
But, the feeling persists.
We laid a good man to rest last week.
Saying goodbye is never easy.
You laughed and felt guilty.
You cried and felt proud.
It’s much bigger than me, I know.
It’s human nature.
The conflict between longing for what’s next and treasuring the past.
Feeling the moment slipping away in the here and now, and wanting so desperately to hold onto the present just a little while longer.
Yes, you know he’s in a better place
But, you still feel the void he left within you.
It’s beyond that, too.
Bigger in the cosmic sense.
Wanting to know our purpose, but afraid to hear the truth.
It’s that immeasurable hope of our youth – feeling we can do anything we want but also not wanting to do a damn thing.
It’s the beginning of summer, when the possibilities feel endless, but it’s too hot to step into the sun.
It’s the glow of candlelight at dusk.
We don’t need it to see, but it’s a beautiful touch.
It’s ambiance, and it’s completely useless all the same.
It’s petting a good dog while knowing he won’t grow old with us.
It’s dancing at a club when you notice someone crying across the bar.
Feeling alone at a party.
The restful feeling of a lazy Sunday met with the dread of going to work on Monday morning.
It’s flying standby.
You didn’t pay full price for the ticket, but you don’t know when you’ll get to leave.
How do we cope with that, my friend?
It’s everywhere.
How do we not swing from one thing to the other helplessly?
The duality of life.
How do we beat the sadness that looms just beyond the reach of our happiness?
I don’t think you do.
You just learn to enjoy your 18-year scotch while you can.
