Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network Patreon, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.
The NFL is kicking everyone’s ass this season. It’s the most unpredictable betting season I can remember. Your boy is an embarrassing 1-9-1 picking NFL games this season. So, you know what? I’m throwing in the towel. I’m waving the white flag. Fuck the NFL! I’m only picking college games this week (where I’m 14-10 on the season!)
- Penn State @ Ohio State, UNDER 45.5 – You might look at the run both of these teams are on and think this is crazy, but this is going to be a major step up in class for each of these offenses. Factor in potential big game jitters, the nature of Penn State’s offense the way they’re playing right now, and the quality of each defense, and I think this is closer to a Notre Dame-Ohio State type of final score.
- Air Force @ Navy, OVER 34.5 – Let’s get these Falcons to the Fiesta Bowl, man! Air Force has become one of my favorite teams to watch this season, averaging 334.2 rushing yards per game. They could hit this over alone without even factoring in Navy’s points!
- UT @ Bama, UNDER 47.5 – This ain’t your Bryce Young-Hendon Hooker Third Saturday in October, folks! Jalen Milroe isn’t the surgeon Young was, and Joe Milton isn’t hitting X plays down the field the way Hooker was. This game might look closer to 1950s era football than anything else.
- Oregon -19.5 – The Ducks are still in the playoff conversation, and probably should be undefeated. Dan Lanning knows they can’t slip up again, and will look to make a statement rebound against a Cougs team that has been put on skates a couple times this season already.
- USC -7 – As long as NFL scouts aren’t in the stands to watch Caleb Williams take on Utah, USC should be good here coming off of an embarrassing loss to Notre Dame a week ago. If NFL scouts are there, watch out for Williams throwing the game to avoid going to the Chicago Bears! *puts on tinfoil hait*
It feels light years in the past but starting this season of Tank the 401k 5-9-1 after 5 weeks in college picks has been difficult to put in the rear mirror. Going 2-0-1 in back-to-back weeks on the college side has me sitting dead even at 9-9-3 and feeling much better about where this season may end up at. Since I currently sit a game under .500 in the NFL. I am gonna keep the hot college streak rolling and present an all-college edition of my half of Tank the 401k.
- Penn State +4.5 Ohio State and Penn State meet up in Columbia for the game of the week. I truly believe the wrong team is favored here. The stingy Nittany Lion defense allows well under 200 yards a game total and only 72 on the ground. Treveyon Henderson is averaging 6.7 yards per carry but the Penn State front line will suffocate him all day long.
- Oklahoma -18.5 Dillon Gaibriel threw for over 8,000 yards at UCF and is licking his chops at the thought of facing his old school this Saturday. The Heisman hopeful transfered to the Sooners before UCF announced it was following him to the Big 12. The Knights have struggled in the conference move and is facing the toughest matchup on their schedule. UCF’s defense will keep it close early but Oklahoma has the College Playoffs in their sights and will make sure to make a statement with a decisive win over UCF.
- Memphis -6.5 UAB has giving up at least 35 points in their last six games and over 40 in four of those. The Tigers are averaging 39 in their four wins this season. This is Memphis’ first true road game since their Week 2 win against Arkansas State. The Tigers are well balanced on both the ground and in the air and should have no problems at all putting up points against a tired UAB defense that is playing its eighth game in a row.
- Oregon -20.5 Stoney and I discussed this game a little more in depth on this weeks edition of the College Football Roundup and I truly believe this will be a great bounce back and statement game for the Ducks. Washington State has fallen fast the last two weeks after starting the season 4-0 and may have lost their confidence after last weeks embarrassing lost to Arizona. Oregon can sniff blood in the water and will quickly remind the voting committee that they shouldn’t be written off so fast. The Ducks are 5-0-1 ATS this season.
- Rutgers -5.5 The Scarlet Knights may be the biggest surprise in the Big 12 as they sit 5-2 on the season with their only loses coming to Wisconsin and Michigan. Nebraska may actually be the biggest disappointment in the Big 12 after an embarrassing loss to the Wolverines last week. Rutgers is an extremely well balanced team as they average 164 yards both in the air and on the ground. Their secondary is playing lights out by only allowing 160 yards a game. Rutgers RB Kyle Monangai should have no problems running on this Nebraska defense. Monangai has rushed for 592 yards in Rutgers five wins on 101 carries for a 5.86 yards a carry. The Scarlet Knights are 5-1-1 ATS this season.
- McCash last week: (3-1-1)
- McCash’s 2023 W-L: (15-16-4) – 48.3%
- Stoney last week: (2-3)
- Stoney’s 2023 W-L: (15-19-1) – 44.1%
- Stoney’s money spent 2023: $35.00
- Stoney’s money earned 2023: $29.49
- Stoney’s profit/loss: -$5.51
- SoBros last week: (5-4-1) – 55.6%
- SoBros 2023 W-L: (30-35-5) – 44.6%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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