I have been much maligned for some of my food takes here on Al Gore’s internet in my decade+ of producing content. Cannolis suck. Applebee’s rules. And, Panda Express is good as long as you get it in the 11AM-Noon window before it’s had a chance to sit out all day. You get it. But, even I, for all the zany creations I cook up drunk in my home on a Friday night, cannot support the atrocity that Jameson Williams has by putting his Oreo McFlurry on his cheeseburger.
What kind of shit are they cooking up in Detroit? First, they’re biting knee caps and now this? What do you have to say for yourself, Dan Campbell?!?! What have you done? And at what cost? This is terrifying. Maybe that’s the point. If Williams’ prowess as a wide receiver alone isn’t enough to strike fear into the hearts of opposing defensive backs, maybe the fact that he puts Oreo McFlurry on his cheeseburgers will. “I’m not getting near that dude – have you seen what he eats?” Think smarter not harder, as I always say.
I guess that is a practical application for this habit. But, it’s some Ninja Turtles Scooby-Doo shit nonetheless. That is to say that this is cartoonish and not grounded in reality. You’re not going to be able to go use the bathroom for two days in Jameson Williams’ house after he’s had one of these concoctions. His stomach is going to sound like when you put your shoes in the dryer. I am usually all about the freedom of this great nation and support a man’s right to do whatever the fuck he wants to with his palate. But, I simply cannot sit idly by and watch this atrocity go viral on the internet without consequences. It must be called out.
Editor’s Note: Dov Kleiman can kind of suck sometimes, but I have no interest in verifying whether or not this tweet is legitimate information. That serves no purpose in this post, and I will not be pursuing it further.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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