I Have Just Discovered Watertok and I’m Fascinated by It

Have you guys heard of Watertok? Stoney just discovered it and is fascinated by it. Full story:

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I have an on again off again relationship with Tik Tok. I get really into it for a few days and then I just don’t open the app for a month. I don’t get it. I know it’s part of the modern world, and I should really be paying more attention and resources to it given that I’m trying to make it as a guy who makes jokes on the internet. But, that’s neither here nor there. For whatever reason, as addictive as their algorithm is designed to be, it still doesn’t work on my bigfoot brain. So, I say all of that to say that I’m sorry if I’m clogging up your feed with old news, but I just discovered WaterTok not too long ago, and can I just say? This is fucking fascinating. The gist of this, from what I gather, is that people are just filling up the viral Stanley cups with some concoction of water, syrups, and drink mixes to to make a million different flavors of water.

Listen, I don’t want to be one to ever shame anyone’s interests. Lord knows I’m into some weird shit. But, what’s the purpose of this? Is it just to drink stuff that tastes good? Or, is there some supposed health benefit to it? Because I can’t imagine this being good for you at all. When I was a kid, we’d drink a gallon of Kool-Aid and be on a sugar rush for three days. This type of thing looks like it might literally stop your heart. I know those things say stuff like “0 calories” on the packets, but I don’t buy it.

Maybe I’m just a skeptic in general, but I can’t imagine those drink packets and syrups are any good for you. I watched this video and then I just imagined putting my coffee syrup in a cup of water and…just no. That doesn’t sound appealing to me. Like, at what point do we just give up and start pouring straight maple syrup into our cups? This feels like an ‘old man shaking his fist at the sky’ moment for me, but I can’t believe something like this has caught on. Just drink Kool-Aid. Hell, at this point, just drink straight Mountain Dew. It all has to be the same when you get to the point where you’re adding two drink packets and 18 pumps of two different syrups.

That said, I’m really interested in this because there may be a practical application for this disgusting nonsense. How much of alcoholism is the ritual? The process of making a drink and enjoying it? I’m wondering if this type of thing could help recovering alcoholics get the thrill of the ritual without actually drinking alcohol. Am I in too deep? Did I just take this thing down too serious of a turn? I don’t know. I just think that would be really cool. I’m into that idea. I think I’ll just run with it either way.

Anyway, I like this guy’s bit – this is well done social media comedy in my book:

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.

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