Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…
Question:
Would you rather get all your wisdom teeth pulled out without anesthesia or get a tattoo that covers the entirety on your dick and sack
— Football & Other F Words (@FWordsPod) January 25, 2024
Answer:
This is the most sadistic and disgusting question I’ve ever been asked on this mailbag and someone straight up asked me how big my penis was last week. I don’t even want to fathom the possibility of this happening. I’m going with the wisdom teeth though because at least that’s going to be over rather quickly and I think I’m tough enough to deal with the pain. If anyone ever tries to tattoo my dick and sack, that thing is going to shrivel up into my belly. They’re going to have to wrestle with the sumbitch just to get it out of my body and as soon as that needle touches it, it’s going right back up. We’d be there for an eternity. Let’s at least get the pain over with.
Question:
What makes a position coach “the best in the league”? Are they teaching a technique that other coaches don’t know? I would think technique would be universal, as well as concessions and adjustments. So how is the split between best and worst so wide? What makes a best coach?
— Ed (@seebellytweet) January 25, 2024
Answer:
What a thoughtful question to follow Zach abomination. I think you’re right in that technique is, by and large, universal. To me, it’s about the ability to teach and truly connect with players. That doesn’t mean being nice to people, either. It means getting to know your team on a deep enough level to understand how they learn best, tapping into that, and understanding their game enough to know what needs tweaking. It is essentially putting together a puzzle – understanding how pieces fit together and being able to put them together to create a bigger picture. It’s communication – I think it applies far beyond the football field. The best managers I’ve ever had are the ones who have taken the time to understand me, communicate expectations clearly, and make the effort to be present. That type of relationship builds motivation. The guys who master that, in my opinion, are the ones at the top of their craft.
Question:
Undo the AJ trade, or add 5 quality years to Lewan's career?
— billy jeans stan (@Doogie1138) January 25, 2024
Answer:
I know everyone’s going to say “undo the AJ trade,” but if you add 5 quality years to Lewan’s career this team might’ve gone on a run in either 2022 or 2023. I might get grilled for my optimism, but I can’t help but wonder what the exponential effect of having competent left tackle play would’ve been for this team.
Question:
Worse mistake SoBros saying Raiders of the Lost Ark is boring or Jon Robinson drafting Isaiah Wilson?
— Titans Homer (@smorton101368) January 25, 2024
Answer is obviously SoBros
Answer:
First of all, it was just me saying Raiders of the Lost Ark is boring so don’t hurl tomatoes at the rest of the team! I respect your opinion, but the answer is JRob drafting Isaiah Wilson.
Question:
How dare you?
— Robert Greenlaw (@RobOnBroadway) January 25, 2024
Answer:
I dare freely and comfortably. I dare without a single ounce of thought. That’s how.
Question:
Not to be greedy, butI actually have 2. Where do you get your stunning good looks? And how did you get the nickname Stoney?
— Grizzler (@GrizzWizz24) January 25, 2024
Answer:
First of all, Grizzler, you can ask as many questions as you want. Second of all, Stoney isn’t a nickname it’s actually my legit first name. Third of all, these stunning good looks are brought to you by drinking gin, eating pad Thai, sleeping five hours a night, and working out just enough to keep your heart from exploding.
Question:
What's the best fruit?
— Canadian Titan (@Canadian_Titan) January 25, 2024
Answer:
That’s a tough one – straight up fruit? I’m going banana or pineapple. Fruit flavor? Maybe this is wild, but I’m going pomegranate.
Question:
Have you ever taken acid and if you haven’t, what do you think it would be like?
— Tres Winn (@TresWinn) January 25, 2024
Answer:
No acid, no shrooms, no weed, nothing – everything you get from me is from beer and tobacco. My brain is too fucked up for hard drugs. I had a friend that told me “as long as you don’t think negative thoughts, you’ll have a good trip,” and my first thought was immediately me clawing my own eyes out so I said “fuck that….no way.” Never done it.
Question:
OLine Q: What blocking scheme does Callahan run and who are the FA/draft targets who are good fits for that style?
— Drewceephus (@TennesseeRed_) January 25, 2024
Do we know what his preferred base alignment is on D?
Answer:
Drewceephus, I have to be completely honest with everyone reading this column right now. I haven’t watched a single play of the Bengals film since the Titans beat them in September.
Question:
Would you rather be trapped in a mall with a king cobra or a gorilla for 24 hours?
— ⚔️ImUhZach⚔️ (@zachriley1997) January 25, 2024
Answer:
See, there are so many layers to this question that make it damn near impossible to answer. In my opinion, that’s what makes for a great mailbag question because we can really sink our teeth into it. So, let’s do that. My first thought is which of the two is more likely to want to kill me. Like, if I don’t appear as a threat to the gorilla, will it just leave me alone? If so, I could just go hide and wait it out. That might actually be the move – just try and get away from it and climb into an air vent or something.
The cobra could definitely get to me in an air vent. So, maybe the question is a matter of kill or be killed. These threats are equal in that one strike would probably kill me, so which one would be easier for me to kill first? My gut reaction is that I think I could find something in the mall to successfully kill the cobra before it got to me. This whole idea is terrifying, by the way. I think that’s going to be my answer. I’m going to risk it, hope there’s a gun store in the mall (maybe, if it’s in the south…), and say “the cobra.”
Question:
Do people actually understand the game of hockey in Nashville? Or is attending games just a happening thing to do?
— Ed Helinski 🇺🇸🇵🇱 (@MrEd315) January 25, 2024
Answer:
Whoa there, Ed. Coming in a little hot there at the people of Nashville. Yes, quite a few of them do understand the game of hockey. I am not one of them, but they do! I am very much in the “I’m just here to have a good time” crowd.
Question, from McCash on Instagram:
Best non-Rumble matches in the history of the Royal Rumble pay-per-view.
Answer:
John Cena vs. Umaga from 2007 is one of my favorite wrestling matches of all time. I also loved Triple H vs. Cactus Jack and Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt.
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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