Some stories feel like they were tailor made for us to talk about here on SoBros Network. We’re just eight days into 2024, and we already have several such stories. Between the world going crazy with naked guys jumping in Bass Pro Shop fish tanks, guys jumping judges in court like Troy Polamalu, aliens walking around the mall in Miami, and guys getting stuck in large urns, I’m having a hard time keeping up with everything. Nonetheless, as a bona fide journalist, I have a job to do, and I’m going to pick the most noteworthy story to talk about. That is the Bass Pro Shop guy, clearly.
Alabama man arrested after going skinny dipping in the Bass Pro Shop tank: pic.twitter.com/eI6h4EjF3k
— Jack Quillin (@JackQuillinTV) January 7, 2024
It’s been the meme event of the year so far, but I can’t help but wonder when we decided people can’t have some fun in this country. Show some grace. There’s a lot of y’all out there right now acting like you’ve never thought about jumping in the fish tank at your local Bass Pro Shop, and there’s a lot of y’all out there right now acting like you wouldn’t do it if given the opportunity. I just…y’know…all I’ll say about this is that you do, if you are a human that has a penis, need to show some wherewithal and realize that everyone’s got a phone these days. People that don’t have penises don’t understand the impact of shrinkage. They’re not going to understand that that’s not that thing’s permanent state of existence. I’ll be honest with you guys – if I jumped in that thing, mine would be up in my stomach and the whole world would be laughing at me. But, spoiler alert, I have a perfectly fine and acceptable penis. So, again…I implore you all…show some grace.
I actually put the responsibility of this incident squarely on the shoulders of Bass Pro Shop. It’s a miracle that this type of thing doesn’t happen every single day. I don’t know that I’ve ever actually bought something from a Bass Pro Shop, but I can tell you that I’ve walked into plenty JUST to see that fuckin’ fish tank. If they don’t want people jumpin’ in ’em, they shouldn’t be makin’ ’em look so damn appealing. I don’t think this is an unreasonable act at all. I’m sure I could venture a guess as to exactly how this happened: guy walks in, guys sees the fish tank looking pretty inviting, guy thinks “i’d feel pretty good naked in that thing,” guy jumps in. None of it happens if Bass Pro Shop didn’t make their fish tanks look like a veritable oasis in the desert.
Suddenly, I’m in the mood to go to a Bass Pro Shop and/or go skinny dipping. The psyop is on. Give it a week and there will be a thousand ‘naked guy jumps in the Bass Pro Shop fish tank’ stories. My hot take is that this dude was a plant by Bass Pro Shop to drum up social media interest in the brand. Why spend millions of dollars on an ad campaign when you could just drop a naked guy in the fish tank in Alabama get billions of social media impressions off of that? Roll damn Tide, man!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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