Real journalism is back on SoBros Network, folks. A couple of months ago, I posed the question in our SoBros Slack group “what are the best fast food breakfast items?” It spawned an incredible debate, and even though I’m super late in summarizing the results and putting ’em into list form, the ensuing list is ready to publish. I’m sure all responses to this list will be reasonable and rational – please direct all backlash to thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com and I will have my manager take a look at it. TGIF, folks – let’s talk junk food!
Power Ranking Fast Food Breakfast Items
10. gas station dick pill & a gold 4 loko – Okay, Owen wrote this one in.
9. Hardee’s pork chop and gravy biscuit – If we’re judging the best overall fast food breakfast spot based on this list, then Hardee’s is going to top the charts with three entries in our top 10. The first one is a dish that Brittany mentioned in the group chat, and I’d have to agree. It’s a hot mess express, but how can you resist a biscuit and gravy profile with a pork chop added to it in sandwich form?
8. Whataburger’s breakfast burger – The haters will be shaking, but like everything else on their menu, Whataburger knocked it out of the park. I ate two of these one morning on my way out to record a day’s worth of LMAOwen. It’s a Whataburger stacked with cheese, a fried egg, hash browns, and zesty sauce. Could it get much more decadent? I think not.
7. Sonic’s ultimate meat and cheese burrito – Owen brought this one up, and I’m glad he did. Sonic’s breakfast burritos are among the best in the game. Bacon AND sausage, with whatever zesty sauce it is they put on this sumbitch, make it a hearty (read: heartburn-inducing) addition to any drive thru breakfast.
6. Hardee’s loaded omelet biscuit – Ryan brought up the loaded omelet biscuit, and it’s fantastic…there’s a little bit of everything on this biscuit, which makes it a heavy hitter, but if you’re a fat fuck like me, it ought to be right up your alley. This thing is one half of every Hardee’s breakfast order that I place.
5. Burger King’s croissanwich – Zach brought up the croissanwich, and I’d have to say…I believe it may be the most underrated breakfast sandwich in the game. I’ve been eating these things for decades. I still wish Burger King would bring back the breakfast buddies, though.
4. Bojangles’ chicken biscuit – I’m not a fan of Bojangles personally…and…shit...now that I’m typing this out, I probably should’ve had one of the few SoBros who mentioned it write the blurb about the chicken biscuit. Anyway, at number four, we have the Bojangles chicken biscuit because of reasons.
3. McDonald’s McGriddle – I’m honestly not the biggest McGriddle fan. I like ’em – don’t get me wrong, but it’s going to be 4th or 5th on my McDonald’s breakfast depth chart whenever I stop by. But, in the interest of objectivity, I’m putting it high on this list because it got some love from multiple SoBros in the group chat.
2. Hardee’s breakfast Frisco melt – What’s the other half of every Hardee’s breakfast order I make? That’s right – the breakfast Frisco melt. Multiple SoBros mentioned this sandwich and I’d have it high on my own personal list, too. There’s something about that sourdough bread that makes for a different kind of breakfast sandwich – but the cheesy goodness and the juicy tomato accentuate it just as much. Hardee’s is the king of fast food breakfast, and this sandwich is the crown jewel.
1. McDonald’s breakfast burrito and hash brown (tie) – If you ask me, it’s an American institution. It’s an icon. I’ve been eating McDonald’s breakfast burritos and hash browns for as long as I can remember living near a McDonald’s. The first one opened in Mount Juliet when I was a wee lad some time in the mid 90s, and I’ve been deep throating that sausagey goodness ever since. And, don’t even get me started on the hash browns. They’re the best in the game – a good hot hash brown from McDonald’s in the morning is what I would assume taking heroin is like. It really jump starts your day.
What are you guys chowing down on from the drive thru at breakfast time? Let us know what we missed in the comments.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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